Pushing Up Daisies

Chapter 19 : I Saw Something

KWON JIYONG

"Bona moved out. I just sent her to my father's hotel this morning. I begged her to stay in her old room but she kept saying that she doesn't want to make me uncomfortable when I take girls staying over."

I squint at T.O.P hyung who leaning against the doorframe. "Good for you," I indifferently say, adjusting the pillow against the headboard to sit up properly while watching TV. Then one of the Care Bears falls on my head. Nice try. I'm going to throw them all away.

"Why is this time so easy after everything you've been through with her? Isn't it supposed to be more extension?" T.O.P hyung asks, sitting at the edge of my bed.

I ignore him and watch the movie that I don't even see the thing.

"C'mon. That kiss was just an accident. You know she fucking loves you."

I roll my eyes. "It's not about the kiss...well, it is. But the main reason why I stopped it because there's no future if we're still together, okay?" I spit out the truth, paying my attention back to the T.V.

"I admit that I'm the one who suggested you to encounter this love, even though I already knew you're gonna end up like this. But you know...before she came into your life, you were such a dumb ass...but after she comes"—he shakes his head, and I try to ignore even though I'm absolutely all ears— "you are the most happiest guy I ever seen. I bet I won't even see you happy like this ever again if there's no her...I just don't want to see this ending so soon."

"It better ends so soon like this, Hyung. This is what it should be. The more I keep letting this go on, the more we ruin our lives. It was what it was. End of story. Don't defend what it's good for me. Because it's good, that's why it will be hurt someday," I snap and then dial volume of the TV up until I make sure that there are no any voices can get into my head except the TV.

He watches me pitifully for a while before gets up slowly and heads straight to the door like I really want him to. Then he turns back and shouts, "Her room is 1018, just in case you want to know." And I act like I didn't hear him. He shakes his head as surrender and takes his leave eventually.

As soon as the door shuts, I roll myself on the bed towards the nightstand, gazing at a ring that she just left last night after she packed her entire stuff in five whole minutes.

My arm immediately goes on over my eyes to stop gazing at the ring, my hand tightly grips the Care Bear next to my neck. Pretending like this fucking teddy bear was her hugging me. It's the most fucking dilemma I've ever done. But you never know, it makes me keep breathing for a little while.

KIM BONA

I don't know how long I've been in this hotel. It seems like a lifetime. Every minute, every hour flies up so slow like we were in hell. There're just two trays of room-service which probably remind me that I've been here less than one day. I didn't order them, though. In fact, T.O.P did. He's really worried about me. He even suggested me to stay with him, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm afraid of offending him for a long time. Besides, he's a guy. Needy is what guys are, you know? And getting back to my mom's isn't a good idea, either. So this is what I decided...well, not just me. Basically, my mom, too, the most plan was initiated by her and I couldn't even deny but (have to) agree.

She and I decided on the phone half an hour ago—me staying in this hotel just a few days, finishing all of my issues here, and then I'll go back to America. I do know I don't even have a home there. But do I have it here, too? The answer is NO. I am officially homeless. So I suppose to start a new life at where I was, and it's going to be America—my hometown. I still wonder about Mom letting me go so easily, as the matter of fact she so resisted in the first place. (She doesn't know yet about me selling the house in there, so she might be thinking I'll be better in there.) Maybe she just understood, too, about me being in this city isn't a good idea like she planned at the first place. And plus, it looks like she's already tired of being an actual mother for me after her whole lifetime hasn't done anything like this before. As I've been here, we haven't connected personally that much. But you know, since she was the one who forced me here, it's something called mother-duties that it keeps reminding her that I'm officially under her control. Although she hasn't quite done properly enough, but I can't deny that she's tried her best to look after me far away from her sight. Well, maybe it's because of what we've been through here together, that's why her behave slightly turns over new leaves from my point of view. And another factor that we decided to get me back where I was. It was the whole scandalous thing that I've done here, too. First, I was spotted with GD (whom my mom is basically boss him) kissing together in public. And I got rumors and haters at once blaming me that I'm a whore dating with superstar—G-DRAGON oppa. And well, as every news is still fresh and mentioned a lot, I was spotted kissing another guy again. And oh, oh, oh, looks who I just kissed, my ex-boyfriend. Ugh, how bitch I look. I admittedly can't surf the internet right now. I really can't. At first, I am still called a whore. Let's look at what I've got next. Brrr! This is why I think I don't belong here and I really should get myself out of this damn city. So, when my mom told me she will be arranging my airplane ticket, I said nothing and undeniably admitted. Nostalgically flashback to the me around five months ago, I would be over the moon and absolutely unable to agree more about Mom finally leaving me to go. But why do I right now want something to pull me staying here any bit longer? Anything right now that chains me not to go yet. To drops time frozen and lets me breathe in the same atmosphere like he is doing any longer.