Pushing Up Daisies

Chapter 30 : That's the kind of Heartbreak, Time Could Never Mend

A Year Later : Untiled 2019
KWON JIYONG

"Whoa. Take it easy, mate. You mean not to be sober for the day, right?"

T.O.P hyung teases me, carefully holding my wrist as I'm pouring a drinking-water bottle into my ice-filled glass. We chuckle a little bit, and he begins to take his hand off of me. Then, I offer myself to refill his glass with the half-rest of Everclear bottle.

"I hate you constantly let me be drunk alone for the past few years, dude," he mutters and we click our glasses together.

He shakes his head a bit to sweep out the drunkenness. Seriously, I wish I'd be capable to do like that. I miss my old alcoholic me.

When he finishes his another glass so quickly in one shot, he lays eyes on mine and then refills me the water.

"Last one, hyung. I need to drive myself later," I joke, sipping as if it was an alcohol like I wished, and then put it down on the bar over me.

"Where the heck are you going?" he asks. I can feel him narrowing his eyes on me over the rim of his glass, even though I am not looking straight at him directly.

"Touring my new apartment. Last day of big loads. I could move this soon," I simply reply and then add mannerly, "You could join me if you want, though."

He waves a hand between our little distance. "Later, dude. I have to stay over at Dad's." Then he pauses, exhaling a little bit in concern. "You know, my mom's request. She needs me to be around with Dad since he seems awful lately."

I tap his shoulder comfortingly, giving him a manly encouraging one-armed hug.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Hyung. Honestly, Cancers shouldn't occur to anyone, especially your poor Dad. I hope he'll soon get better."

He lays his hand over mine and drinks up his glass. Seeing a large anxiety through his sigh, I decide to accompany him any longer until I could feel he's actually okay.

I spin my chair, resting my arms backwardly on the edge of the counter bar. Hyung begins to order his snacks to the bartender, though my virtual attention is now on the strippers dancing sexily on the mini stage in the middle of the room. They're almost naked, their boobies might as well fully pop out from their thin-short dresses.

If I was the old me few years ago, especially when I was such a playboy, completely a moron. Believe me. Either one or two of these whores by now would be pulled into my room and get fucked by me. I used to be a horny motherfucker. I used to.

Now I don't understand why I absolutely see nothing in them. As if I could look through them and stare at the wall behind them instead. I'm not even turning on, though there're full of sexualities over here—in the same shitty basement pub. My sexual feelings have been distracted ineffectively for a while. Don't know why.

Well, I guess I kind of know the problem, but I just don't want to recall.

Half an hour goes by, both of us apparently still look far from being crestfallen, even though he's downed four glasses of Everclear. And mine is still crystal-clear water. I seem so pathetic, but I'm kind of used to since I quit drinking for the past few years.

"I should get going now," I say, tapping the edge of the counter bar.

"Don't you leave me alone drinking by myself here. You do know I have no one left, the rest of us isn't here anymore," he muses, sounds so sympathetic. I exhale with a bashful laughter in my lung.

Ever since Youngbae, Daesong and Seungri have mandatory joined the military for months simultaneously, and I just got back from there for a month. This poor Hyung has finally realized how much I am important for him, as no full-pack BIGBANG team anymore for a moment. It becomes just me and him hanging out in the same loop of being drunk every Friday nights.