Pushing Up Daisies

Chapter 33 : IF YOU

KWON JIYONG

She begins to loosen her hug, and I instinctively pull her to my chest again. She surprisingly flinches but somehow manages to embrace me around.

"I always love you, too," I say through her hair, trying to force my mind to myself.

We hug for a while without any words pouring from our mouths.

"I better go." She finally breaks off and walks herself to the doorway. "Bye, Oppa." She stares at me while holding a door handle, as if to remember me for one last fucking time.

"Bye." The word falls from my lips.

We stare at each other for a brief second. She smiles at me with her eyes full of moisture, still, it doesn't fall from hers just yet. I force a smile back, and she eventually leaves.

I stand in front of the door for two hours later. I just think at least she'd come back as I saw her last look. Waiting for her like a puppy dog waiting for its owner.

But she never comes.

Even her shadow never shows up.

And I am now a complete orphaned puppy.

* * *

"You alright, Jiyong?"

I feel a tapping on my shoulder and look up to see Ahjumma standing over me. Her eyes full of absolute worries. Mine full of tears.

"No." I decide not to lie, because I can't pretend everything's fine when it's not.

The more she looks at me, the more I feel so pity. She exhales pitifully before sitting beside me against the door, pulling my head to rest on her comfortable shoulder.

"It's okay not to be okay, honey. Thank you for admitting that you're not." Her fingers run through my hair. And I begin to sob.

"I've been trying my best, but I'm fucked up. I think I messed everything up, Ahjumma."

"Of course you're not," she whispers above my head. "If you did your best, then you can't be disappointed because you tried your best."

"I hate being the same, I'm still right where she left me."

She cups my jaws up to look at me directly. It makes me weaker when I found out her eyes are bloodshot like mine.

"Listen, Jiyong. I don't think anyone ever left you as long as you expand your world for them to stay." And she pauses, inhaling. "Bona went away because she needed to catch her dream that it never ever came true like you before. Well, long story short. But have you ever thought about joining her journey so that you can be together again?"

My forehead creases. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." She clears her throat. "The backstories of both of you have been messed up because you two needed to separate to grow up and do whatever you had to do during in its eras.

But whichever era never lasts forever. Eventually, you somehow have to retire something you've been clung to. Like some people have said 'we can't hold on to something to stay long.'.

So what I'm trying to say is...if you have successfully caught whatever you dreamed of enough already, isn't it the right time for you to settle down with someone you love and intertwine her dream and yours together?"

"What's exactly your point, Ahjumma?" I'm so confused. "You mean—I go get her back to be hurt later with me?"

"Not exactly." She shakes her head. "All I'm saying is, you go get her back, but"—she raises an index finger up—"but tell her that you're ready to lower your guard, you're ready to go wherever her dream stays. You're ready to fix everything alright."