k i w i

- 75 -

- zayn -

My leg bounced up and down, checking my watch to see how much time had passed. Forty minutes.

Sighing loudly, I paced back and forth in the private room, looking out the one-way glass to see the waiting room half empty.

Continuing to stare at the different people, my heart stings a bit at the sight of a man carrying a bundle of blankets smiling at what seemed to be his partner, taking pictures.

That will be me in a couple of weeks. Possibly.

Turning back around, I sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs again. All I had to do was just wait and hope.

My mind wander to Arabella again, her smile bringing warmth to my chest. She was one of the best things to happen to me, apart from Gigi.

You miss her.

I love Gigi. She has popped into my mind a few times, but with Arabella and I's new situation, she was pushed back.

I wonder what my situation would be if it was Gigi instead of Arabella, how different it would be. She understood me, she knew the true me, and she loved me. She also lived in New York—a major thing for me.

Feeling my chest burn a little bit more, I now knew what the feeling was; sadness. It was sadness, confusion, and anger.

My throat began to hurt and my eyes to sting, but before I could swallow it all, I burst out crying. My sobs and the boring television channel were the only sounds filling the empty room.

I stand back up, putting my hands over my head to catch my breath and tilting my head back, trying to let gravity work with me and keep my tears in.

I'm a pathetic person who will is a pathetic partner and will become a pathetic father. That was me. Zayn Malik, pathetic human garbage.

Everything felt like it was closing on me, the walls sinking into me and I couldn't breath. Even with the exercises given to me by my old therapist, my throat was too closed up for any air to go in or out.

Come on Zayn, you're so pathetic you can't even breath on your own, huh?

That little voice was back and it bugged me, it bugged me because I had worked so hard to get it out. Memories of the days and days of exercises and walks around the farm came back, with them came Gigi as well.

Gigi had helped me work my shit out, she was always by my side no matter what type of shit I dragged her through.

Shit. Now you want Gigi and Arabella?

Throwing my head back, my fingers dug beneath my eyes and pulled on the skin, maybe it'll make my tears stop or the voice to quiet.

I was still crying, the bubble inside my chest beginning to hurt. Crouching down, I put my face on my hands, clenching my teeth to not let any sound out.

Nobody is listening.

I let out a small yell, the bubble in me popping and more tears followed. I cried and cried and cried until I had nothing left in me but exhaustion.

My body felt weak, everything hurt. My throat was itchy and my eyes stung, my palms had small cuts from my nails and droplets of blood covered them, my head was beginning to hurt.

Laying down on all the chairs, I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from yelling anymore and closed my eyes. Maybe a little nap could do the trick.

"Mister Malik?" A voice suddenly echoed in his head, it was loud and it sounded like a yell. Sitting up slowly to help his pounding head settle, he rubbed his eyes and looked at the entrance. "Mister Malik, do you want to follow me?"

Keeping myself from groaning, I ran a hand through my hair and clear my throat. Fixing myself, I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, taking the bag I almost forgot was there.

"Do you need some water, sir?" The petite woman asked, her deep blue uniform and badge making her stand out from the rest. "I could assist you to some water before going in."

Clearing my throat again, I nodded not trusting my voice. She eyed me again before telling me to stay put, walking back into the room we had exited.

The lights were a little too bright, and now that I had noticed, my eyes began to sting a bit too much. Reaching down to the bag, my heart stopped a bit as I saw who it belonged to. Arabella.

I didn't know wether to feel more shitty or happy, after all, part of my problems were happening because of her.

If only I hadn't met her—or taken her home for that matter of fact.

"Here you go, sir." She came back before I could let my mind wander any more, almost shoving the bottle into my chest. "Do you want to sit for a minute?"

Taking the bottle after finding some sunglasses, I put them on and opened the bottle, shaking my head as I took a gulp of the cold liquid. It felt like heaven.

"No." I finally spoke up, my voice coming out in a whisper. "I'm," clearing my throat, I shook my head again. "I'm good. Shall we?"

I felt her eyeing me, probably assessing what my problem was. She cleared her throat and nodded, beginning to lead the way.

"We already have your paperwork ready." She spoke as they walked further down the hall, her pace hurried as I tried to keep up with her. "You're the first person here."

Of course I was, why wouldn't I be?

Shaking off any comments, I took in a big breath, seeing another staff greet me with a smile. I didn't even tried to give it back, too focused on trying not to have a second outburst.

"You're at the front." She says as we pass a curtain, coming up to empty chairs all around. "Here's your seat, sir." Motioning down to a seat in the middle of the rows, I give her a short nod as I go in and take the window one. "Have a safe flight, mister Malik. Holly and Heather are our attendants if you need anything."

"Thanks." I shortly say, looking out the window to see how dark it actually was. "I'm alright, right now."

She left without another word, leaving me in an empty plane. Leaning back on the cushions, I closed my eyes, the only girl coming to mind as of this moment was Arabella.

I wonder where she went.

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