'Pranks and Perverts and Padfoot, oh my!'
Meet Kelsey 'Kelpie' Jones: Miss Americana, Comic lover and the Hufflepuff who doesn't give a Hufflefuck.
Having Lily Evans accidentally fall in love with James Potter was never a part of her plan to get r...
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Late August 1991
"Mum!" Harry called out from his room. He was in the middle of packing for his first day of Hogwarts..which was a week away. It was safe to say that his father's tales of countless shenanigans had excited him to no end. But in the middle of it all, he had found the most peculiar thing.
He had been sorting through the pictures to carry with him when the strangest one slipped out from the pile and onto the floor.
"What the-" Harry held the photograph a little closer. He saw a young boy that looked a lot like him wearing the strangest red and white pinned tailor-suit. There was another handsome boy with long hair in the picture. Both held canes and appeared to be dancing in the most ridiculous fashion. So he called for his mum only to have both his parents show up.
"What happened?"
Instead of replying, he showed them the picture with a questioning expression.
Lily and James shared a look. With a secretive smile, Lily sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. James leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.
"Harry, I think it's time we told you the story of how your aunt Kelsey convinced me to go out with your arrogant toerag of a father. You know..through her love-hate vendetta against uncle Padfoot," said Lily with a teasing look at her husband.
"You mean aunt Kelpie who's currently in Geneva working with underprivileged muggle-borns?" Harry asked skeptically. Over the years he had only heard of allusions to their infamous hate to love story but never the full picture. He almost couldn't believe it. Almost.
Lily nodded.
"And Padfoot who ended up in muggle prison last week, defending grand-uncle Theo in a bar fight?" Harry clarified once more.
The Black twins never did tell him the full story behind it. Just that their grandmother Amelia, who had to take her two grandchildren to the police station to bail out her husband and son-in-law, was extremely displeased.
James grinned.
"This wouldn't happen to be anything like the time they both ended up on the run from the French police on their second honeymoon, would it?" Harry recalled some of the couple's strange behaviour.
Maybe..just maybe.
"Oh honey," Lily looked at him sympathetically. "You don't even know half of it. But we can't possibly send you to Hogwarts without telling you about them. Kelsey must have slipped the photo in since she knew she wouldn't be here to see you off or tell you about it. You know how she's all for the dramatics.." Lily drifted off dreamily.
"She definitely married into the right family," James snorted under his breath. "Now you see it all began the day that aunt Kelpie of yours flipped off Pad-"
"James! You can't start there, it's inappropriate!" Lily was horrified at the thought of telling her son about such acts. Harry didn't have the heart to tell his mother how often he heard aunt Kelpie curse. It was almost as bad as uncle Moony.
"Well, where do you propose we start then?" his father demanded.
"At the train ride of course! She walked into the compartment where Mary, Benji, and I were sitti-"
"Absolutely not! Padfoot would have a fit if you started the story with Perfect Prefect Benji. It's bad enough they work in the same department."
"BENJI's MARRIED. WITH KIDS!!"
"I'm with Prongs on that one Evans." Unexpectedly Sirius Black himself interrupted. "Hope you don't mind. I rang the bell but no one answered. Came to drop this off for Harry." He held up a gift-wrapped broom.
Instead of waiting for an invitation Sirius strode over to Harry's desk and made himself comfortable on the chair.
"Okay, then, you tell him!" Lily huffed.
Sirius thought for a moment and began:
"You see Harry, it all began on September 1st, 1971, the day I saw a mean-looking muggle teaching his daughter to kick boys where the sun don't shine on Platform 9 ¾.." Sirius paused as he remembered the first time he saw Kelsey frantically trying to calm an over-enthusiastic Theo on the platform.
"And then?" urged Harry.
"I went to find her on the train of course! I just knew she was trouble when she walked in."
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Final Author's Note
Special shoutout to scroopdittyfor giving me this idea of Harry finding the image from Chapter 34!!
Aaaand we're full circle. Can I just say it has been a treat writing this story? I began this in October 2020 when I was going through a really hard time. Writing this was my way of making myself laugh with the pranks, second-hand embarrassment and whatnot.
And I never thought it'd receive so much love!! Thank you for all the votes and lovely comments, laughing with me (and at Kelsey tbh).
