'Pranks and Perverts and Padfoot, oh my!'
Meet Kelsey 'Kelpie' Jones: Miss Americana, Comic lover and the Hufflepuff who doesn't give a Hufflefuck.
Having Lily Evans accidentally fall in love with James Potter was never a part of her plan to get r...
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Late December 1977
On December 23rd, 1977 the Jones family sat around the dinner table at home. While Kelsey's mum went on about her job as a landscape architect, her dad related tales of the bad boy juvenile teens he'd hear at the prosecutor's office.
Kelsey distractedly nodded along, remembering her very own bad boy that she had to deal with every day. Not that Sirius was her bad boy to be had. Nuh-uh. The thought had her awkwardly shoving more food into her mouth to distract herself.
"So, honey," her mother said, pausing her story of the case of the missing rooftop plants - attempted sabotage by a rival firm. Amelia Jones darted her eyes towards her husband who took it as a sign of a serious conversation to come. He knew better than to question his wife's motives after 21 years of marriage. "How has your year been going?"
"Oh, you know," Kelsey started. "Same ol' boring stuff. Magic and essays and whatnot."
"Is that so?" her mum hummed with a knowing tone. "Does that boring stuff include sneaking into the boy's dorm to dye some poor boy's hair or flashing your undies to the entire school in the presence of said boy." She took a bite of the pie.
Theodore Jones who was in the middle of eating his pie as well, spat it out in shock at the notion of his precious, too-innocent-for-the-world daughter, entering an all-boys dorm. It was clear where Kelsey got her food spluttering tendencies.
"WHO IS HE?" he bellowed. Theo was 17 once. He knew what went on in their heads.
"OH MY GOD MOM!" Kelsey dropped her knife and fork with disbelief. Sirius Black was the last person she wanted to talk about with them. And he was anything but poor, as her mom had put it.
"You see the thing is.." Amelia Jones calmly, going for another bite. "..I have been receiving very interesting letters from Professor McGonagall this term. Tell me Kelsey: why am I receiving letters from the Deputy Head - the lady who isn't even your Head of House?"
"JUST A FIRST NAME. I have a friend at the local PD. I WILL HUNT DOWN THE BOY WHO STOLE MY DAUGHTER'S INNOCENCE!" Her father made for his gun collection stashed in their basement.
"Dad it's not like that!" Kelsey cried. She got up, trying to calm him down.
Once they were all seated again she began. "It's just a prank war," she mumbled, avoiding their gaze.
"Isn't Sirius Black that the boy we met that one time?"
Kelsey gulped and met her mother's challenging gaze. Crap. She knew.
Her dad grunted upon remembering the scrawny kid he had once glared at the station for being within five feet of his daughter.
He wasn't deaf. He had also heard the stories of how he and his friends spent their time tormenting his daughter and her friend Evans and how she would complain about finding him in closets making out with girls.
