'Pranks and Perverts and Padfoot, oh my!'
Meet Kelsey 'Kelpie' Jones: Miss Americana, Comic lover and the Hufflepuff who doesn't give a Hufflefuck.
Having Lily Evans accidentally fall in love with James Potter was never a part of her plan to get r...
BEFORE YOU BEGIN: A moment of appreciation for this story reaching #1 in the #harrypotter tag on March 11, 2021
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1. I Knew You Were Trouble
Early June 1971
"A Professor? Do you hear that dear?" Amelia Jones beamed at her husband, Theo Jones.
He nodded reservedly, trying to hide how excited he was for his daughter, the one and only apple of his eye, and asked, "What is your doctorate in erm- at this school?"
So this is what second-hand embarrassment feels like, an eleven-year-old Kelsey Jones thought as she peeked in from the kitchen into the drawing-room. This Professor McGonagall had shown up an hour ago, one day after her eleventh birthday to explain the contents of the strangest letter that had arrived in the mail.
While she was still a little wary, her parents were too trusting. Too nice. Too American. She guessed old habits die hard. It had only been 6 years since they had immigrated to the UK.
"Doctorate?" The stern lady looked offended but continued nevertheless. "It's not just any school. As I mentioned before- Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the most prestigious academy for young students in the country."
"Well, you said you're a professor, aren't 'cha'? What's your specialty?" her dad insisted. "How do we pay for this stuff? We don't have y'all magic money."
Oh no. He brought out the 'y'all', Kelsey thought, wondering if she should interrupt.
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, "Transfiguration. We have our own bank where the money can be exchanged for our currency. And a special fund for muggle-borns, wherein Hogwarts covers 50% of the fees."
"Muggle? That don't sound like a nice word to me," Theo looked at her, matching her intensity.
That's it. I bet she hates me already and will personally make my life a living hell until I graduate. Kelsey wanted to melt into a puddle and disappear.
