Pure Tears. Pure Love. Pure Pain.

Chapter Nine

"I love you," whispered Bucky in your ear as he ran his hands through your hair.

You sat bolt upright. FRIDAY turned the lights on in your room as you surveyed your surroundings. The room was empty and it was the only hours of the morning. And you'd just had a dream about Bucky saying that he loved you. What was wrong with you? Yesterday you had shut him down, said you had a boyfriend (Steve, his best friend) and now you were dreaming about Bucky? Interesting.

"This is not happening," you muttered to yourself, as you got out of bed. It was so fucking annoying. One minute you're kissing Bucky, the next you're kicking him in the stomach. An hour later you're dating Steve. But you just couldn't stop thinking about Bucky and the fact that you can't trust yourself around him. And you didn't want him out of your life either. Bucky was someone you felt close to, someone you trusted, someone you had connected with almost straight away. And you didn't want him out of your life.

Except the fact was that if you stayed friends with Bucky, you'd always feel guilty around Steve. And you wanted to be with Steve, that's why you had started dating him. That's why you felt so safe in his arms. You disagreed sometimes but you just had a temper, you wanted to be with Steve. And when you were with him you felt like you could overcome any problems with him. It could be too soon to feel like this. But the weird thing was. You felt like this for two people. And you couldn't live without the other.

"Knock knock," came Steve's voice from the other side of the door. What a dork omg. You felt so happy to hear his voice, but you also couldn't deal with this right now. If you opened the door, you would feel guilty everytime you looked into Steve's eyes, everytime he smiled you would internally slap yourself.

You forced a smile to your face. Maybe you should tell Steve, would that be a good idea? I mean maybe he would freak out, but like it's not like anything happened while you were together. "Y/n," said Steve, from the other side of the door, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," you responded, you'd gotten so lost in your thoughts. Steve opened the door, and immediately noticed your change in attitude.

He stood awkwardly by the door, watching your movements. Your brow was creased and you kept wringing your hands together as you paced up the room. "Y/n, are you okay?" said Steve quietly, "You can tell me," no Steve. You couldn't tell him, he would be mad. Definitely. Would he?

You sat on the bed, looking out into nothing. Steve leaned against your wall, waiting for you to open up to him. You debated over telling him in your head, and decided not to. It would make things weird and awkward. Steve wouldn't trust you around Bucky. And he'd possibly distance himself from his best friend. "Sorry," you said, "Wanna train?"

"Y/n," said Steve, "You can tell me, whatever it is? I wanna help,"

More lies. You were gonna tell more lies, to Steve. The person you wanted to be with, the person that you shouldn't and didn't want to lie to. "Just worried about Bucky, after yesterday, sorry," you responded, "Have you seen him? Is he okay?" technically you weren't lying. You were worried about Bucky.

"He's fine," said Steve, "Said something about a girl he was gonna ask out? It's good he's moving on with his life, back to being a ladies man," he chuckled to himself. Bucky was already asking a girl out? You could hardly blame him, you had rejected him after all. So how come it felt like your heart was slowly breaking at the thought of Bucky being with someone that wasn't you. "Is that all?" asked Steve, after you hadn't responded.

"Yeah," you said, getting up from the bed and embracing him in a hug. "I missed you last night, I preferred waking up in your arms," you said into his chest, you felt so safe being in Steve's arms.

"Let's get breakfast," said Steve, "There's a cafe down the street," you agreed, and quickly pulled on some joggers and a sweatshirt. You took Steve's hand, but then quickly dropped it as you left the room. Realising that you hadn't actually told anyone about your relationship. You would tell people when Steve was ready. Because you liked him. Alot.

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After breakfast you walked back to the tower, holding coffee and hand in hand. "Steve," you asked, "Do you wanna tell people about us yet?" you had been wondering all through breakfast. Maybe if you didn't have to be so on edge about your relationship with Steve then you stop feeling things for Bucky. "It's fine if not," you quickly added.

"I want people to know your mine," said Steve, squeezing your hand, "But only if you're sure?" you were sure. "Okay, so I guess, we're making it official," said Steve, looking away from you.

"Steve?" you asked him, "Are you okay?"

"Be my girlfriend?" oh my god. Yes.

"Okay," you responded, smiling.

You walked back to the tower with a smile on your face. Steve had made it official and it was the best thing ever. However the smile soon faded when you walked into the lobby and noticed Bucky flirting with some blonde bitch. "That must be the girl he asked out," said Steve. You mentally threw up. "Let's introduce ourselves,"

"No steve," you responded, "Lets not," he looked at you confused. Lie. "He seems to be having a good time, let's not interrupt," you said quickly.

"Good point," said Steve, as you walked to the elevator. The ride up felt long and awkward. You didn't actually know what to say, like whether or not you should bring up telling people again. You wanted him to kiss you, but he only did once. Maybe if you kissed him the kiss you had with Bucky would leave your head.

When you got to your room, you opened the door and let Steve follow you in. You stood by the window as he sat down on your bed. "Are you gonna kiss me?" you blurted out, turning to face Steve.

He looked taken aback for a second. Don't make this awkward Steve. He got up from the bed. Imagine if he walked out tho lmaoooo. But instead he walked towards you, placed his hands on your hips and kissed you sweetly. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he swept his tongue across yours. Then he pulled back and lent his forehead against yours. "You look so beautiful in this light," AKSJSKSK. Omg.

Authors Note ❤: Sorry the updates a slow! I've had such a busy week. I will definitely be updating soon. Thanks for reading 💞