Pure Tears. Pure Love. Pure Pain.

Chapter Thirty Two

The shopping centre was crowded. The first time you came with the avengers people were crowded around you. Now there were just people. You grabbed some coffee first before making your way through the crowds.

You had never seen a place this busy. The shops had just gorgeous things in the window, and you had to resist the urge to go in every one and buy everything you loved. You stopped in clothes shops, jewelry shops, shoe shops, candy stores, everything you can imagine. You could only imagine Tony's reaction when he found out how much money you had spent.

By the time it was lunch you had way too many bags and your arms were beginning to hurt. You sat down for lunch in a cute little pastry shop, where you ordered a gingerbread latte and a croissant.

"So what are everyone's Christmas plans this year?" Wanda asked as she handed you your latte.

"We'll I've never done Christmas before so I wanna do everything. I'll probably make a bucket list and do one thing every day. Also be out of the tower so I don't have to see Bucky and deal with," you stirred your latte, "you know. This, whatever it is."

Nat nodded. "Me and Steve are going to see the Northern Lights in Alaska, and stay in a fancy little cabin hotel thing,"

"Your first holiday as a couple. That's so cute!" Wanda said, "Me and Vis are going away to Buenos Aires, thought we'd have like a Christmas beach holiday this year, something less traditional,"

"Wait you all go away?" you asked, a little confused as to why the team weren't gonna be spending Christmas together. Considering you had nowhere else to go.

"Yeah pretty much," Nat said, partially distracted by her phone. "Sorry it's Steve asking me where we should put the tree in my room," so cute you were gonna be sick. At least Steve treated her right. Seems you didn't deserve it. With Steve or Bucky. But you're not jealous. Only 10% jealous. Fine 20.

Wanda continued for Nat. "Tony goes back to California with Pepper, he has a huge house over there. Clint goes home to his family. Thor spends it in Asgard, Rhodey usually works but on his days off spends it with Tony at his mansion. Sam sees his sister and his nephews. Bruce likes to spend it at his house in Canada he bought a couple years ago, it's in the middle of this forest and it's pure snow for miles. It's beautiful really. He likes the peace. So yeah the tower is pretty much empty."

Huh. Well that was a slap in the face, it also looked like the only person in the tower was gonna be Bucky. Which was also another slap in the face, probably more of a punch. "So what about Christmas Day?" you asked, "like with the big meal and presents and stuff? Will any of you be back for that?"

"Me and Steve will," said Nat, still looking at her phone. When it started to ring she took off towards the bathrooms at the back.

"Me and Vis too," Wanda added, "Rhodey and Tony will probably too, your welcome to come to Buenos Aires if you don't want to be alone,"

You shook your head. "No no I don't want to impose," you drank the last of your coffee. "Besides I won't be alone, Bucky will be at the tower too, which is probably worse but it's fine. I didn't know everyone made plans,"

"It's usually a given, I'm sorry we didn't let you know sooner,"

Nat returned with a bag of pastries and handed them to you. "Okay ladies ready for the next shops?"

"I don't know if my arms are strong enough" you said with a chuckle, "but I am so ready."

———————

You arrived back at the tower as it was getting dark. The outside looked gorgeous. Two huge trees were standing on each side of the door. Fairy lights draped around them and snow dusted on the leaves. There was a wreath on the front door that had holly leaves and berries.

Inside, a tall white tree was in the middle of the chairs in the waiting area. Gold and white wrapped presents (that were probably cardboard boxes) were under the tree and it was decorated with gold and red baubles, and a silver star on the top. Little Christmas ornaments were on the front desk, tiny reindeer, trees and santas.

The elevator left wall, which had been a virtual map, was now a background of Times Square covered in snow. "The guys did a great job with this," you said, almost in disbelief. "But I think I'm gonna go back to my room, I have to put this stuff away and I'm tired,"

You got out on your floor, and made your way to your room. A pink and white wreath with fairy lights was on your door. Your room had a green pine tree standing in the corner, and a box of your favourite colour baubles underneath it so you could decorate.

On your bed there were some gingerbread men. And a note. You had assumed it was from Tony, which is why you opened it.

Dear y/n,
firstly I wanted to apologise, for everything. I should never have left you for needing space to heal after what you went through. I love you so much and leaving you in the middle of that was stupid and unfair to you. I didn't want to break up, but I thought you did. That's why I started dating to try and get over you. There is no way to get over you. Not when I'm this in love with you. That's why I broke up with her today. I want to be with you. I know you may not trust me anymore, but give me a chance.
Lots of love
Bucky
Xx

This could not be happening. Not only the fact Bucky loved you too, he actually seemed like a better person. You wanted to, but you didn't. You couldn't. Right? I mean you shouted at him this morning, and you couldn't forgive him. But you wanted to.

You decorated your tree while eating the gingerbread. Once you were happy with it, you added the fairy lights and switched them on. You put the Christmas cushions and blanket on your bed, and the mini Christmas tree on your dressing table. You put all your clothes shopping away in your wardrobe, before sitting on the rug next to your window.

Now you could go to Bucky's room, and get back with him. Because you wanted to. Because you loved him, and he loved you. Or. What were the other options? Try and move on, even though you loved Bucky and wanted to make it work.

You changed into your favourite ripped jeans, white tank top and grey oversized knitted cardigan. It was warm and comforting, and you were still undecided whether to watch a Christmas movie or go talk to Bucky.

Bucky.

You loved Bucky. You didn't break up with him, you wanted to make it work. He hasn't. But now he did. So you should talk to him right?

Once you had decided what you would do, you made your way across the hall. You knocked on his door, quietly three times, and you heard some moving around inside of his room.

"Kinda busy right noww-oohhh," Bucky was shirtless with his hair tied back, and had his head stuck round the door. "Y/N what are you doing here?"

You looked above his head, the blinds were closed, the only light was a lamp, and the sheets on his bed were all messed up. With a person in them. "What the fuck is wrong with you James?" you slapped him round the face, "You wrote me a note saying you want to get back with me while having sex with another girl. Ugh you disgust me,"

You couldn't even stay and yell because you didn't feel like yelling. You felt like crying. Not only had you wanted to take that son of a bitch back. He said he had loved you. What was he lying?

You couldn't believe this. How could he do this to you?

Authors Note: sorry for the plot twist hehe. Kinda proud I updated this two days after the last time lol. Xx