Chapter 38

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Vanessa

I finally got home from uncle Sean's house. I love the man but boy does he love to talk and talk. "Oh hey. You hungry. Or did Sean feed you to death" mom asked as everyone was home now and they were all eating pizza except Alex. He was just on his phone. "Oh yeah he just got done feeding me pizza" I smiled as she nodded patting the table next to her. "Sit down honey. Let's all chit chat" she said as I put my bag down sitting next to her. "So. How was y'all's day" she asked smiling. "Grandma and grandpa are worried about father dearest and you. They hope that we all get better and this ends soon" Toby said. "Yeah, Phil, Wilbur and George said the same thing basically" Alex mumbled. "Same as uncle Sean" I said as she nodded. "That's nice" dad said taking a break from his food.

"Well. I got a call today." Mom said drinking some water. "What about" Toby asked. "They found the girl who broke into the house and tried to kill me but not the other person who actually shot me." Mom said as I nodded. "Do they know anything else?" Alex asked. "Uhm they believe there were a group of people. They found a motel they were staying at and asked us to stay away from the house for at least a month....are you guys okay with this" mom asked as we all basically nodded agreeing. "As long as we are safe I think we all can agree that sounds like a wonderful plan" Toby smiled. "Yeah it could be really fun" Alex smiled. "Yeah" I sighed not really wanting to be here for too long. I love England but sometimes I feel like the guys in the SMP just putty me because I'm toby's and Alex's little sister. I'm not even they're real sister. Yes we all treat each other like family but you can obviously tell we all aren't the same this is insane. Ever sense they came into our lives nothing about me matters anymore. Everyone just putties me- "Vanessa" dad said as I jumped out of my own world seeing everyone looking at me. "What" I said as I looked at dad. "What are you thinking about" he asked. "Nothing" I shrugged as he sighed. "That's a lie. We can all tell. It's obviously pissing you off so just tell us" he shrugged. "I'm fine" I sighed going to get up. "Are you sure you are okay" Toby asked as I sighed. "I'm fine. I'm just tired" I mumbled.

I got my stuff rushing into my room shutting my door. I flopped onto the bed as I groaned. I don't know why but it seems like almost everytime we have dinner and we talk about serious things my brain just shrinks and I just go to a dark place and I hate it but I don't know what to do honestly. I don't want to go to a therapist. They never listen just shove drugs down your throat. "I'll go take a shower than go live" I sighed as I sat up going to my bathroom to get washed up and ready for a stream.

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I sighed as I was sitting at my desk I've recorded two videos, and streamed. It's midnight and I'm not tired at all. I sighed leaning against my chair as my phone kept going off but I only ignored it. Probably the family group chat. I sighed as I took my makeup off and changed into sweatpants and a white shirt. I heard my phone ringing as I answered it. "Hello" I mumbled not looking at the caller Id. "Hey Vanessa babes. How are you." I heard clay, or dream. "I'm fine. Why" I asked confused. "Well because you didn't say "ahhh dreaaaam" when you answered the call like you always do. And I may or may not know about Haley getting shot and worried about all of you guys" he said as I sighed.

"I'm fine. Don't worry" I said as I went to hang up. "IF YOU HUNG UP ILL ONLY CALL BACK UNTIL YOU ANSWER AGAIN" he screamed knowing I moved my phone from my ear as I sighed. I put it on speaker. "Whatever" I said moving my covers some I laid on the bed getting under the covers, "so vanessa. Tell me for real. How are you" he said as I made sure my fan was on high before getting comfortable. I turned on the tv as I sighed at clay's question. "I'm tired" I mumbled sorta lying. I'm not tired where I want to sleep. I am tired of everything that has been going on. "Yeah I understand but I wanna talk to you so don't lie to me" he said as I sighed putting on Tommy's YouTube videos to go to sleep too.

"Vanessa" dream said as I sighed. "I'm tired clay. I'm tired of always feeling smaller than Alex and Toby. I'm tired of always having to deal with problems.  I'm tired of doing all of this shit over and over again. Worried about my family and friends. Worried about possible having my life taken by someone I will never know and don't know. Okay clay. I'm scared and had to runaway to England. We're only here because of toby's grandparents and Toby can just hang out with tommy when he's not with them or with us and Alex can always hang out with Wilbur, Phil, and George but all I have up here is uncle Sean. Who isn't even my real uncle. I'm tired of not knowing anything about my moms side of the family and where she grew up. I tired of all the secrets in the house. I'm tired clay okay i am just tired. " I ranted as he hummed.

"You feel better now" he asked as I sighed. "Alittle" I mumbled as he chuckled. "Ya know I have always lived sorta close where your mom used to live. If you'd like I can see about having you come down here while this whole thing with the cops gets settled." He offered as I sighed. "I don't know. I'm scared if I leave mom. When I come back she won't be alive. Like last time" I mumbled as he hummed. "Well Vanessa, if you ever need anything I am always here, you're smart. Beautiful and I care about you and I'm sure the rest of the guys do too. Don't look at Alex and Toby as your adopted brothers okay. They'll help protect you and make sure you won't he hurt by anyone and you protect them. Don't let this minor inconvenience ruining your time. You're in England and I know you've been there before. But have you, only you, go for a walk? Or go site seeing? I'm sure Wilbur, tommy, Phil, or George. I'm sure they would live to walk around with you and if you don't like that idea came down here to Florida. We can hang out and do whatever you want. Just don't think so low of yourself I promise with what you are going through right now, yes it's going to have a big impact on you but it won't for the rest of your life. It might feel like it but it won't. Thousands upon thousand people love you and your family videos you make just don't give up on yourself or in hope. Always remember that you will always do amazing things and you can't give up now or dream will beat my ass. Got it" he said as I noticed I was crying.

I sniffed as I wiped my tears having flashbacks of Alex, Toby and mom and dad all hanging out in the gaming room, or in the living room. "I'm sorry Vanessa. I didn't mean to make you cry" he said as I sighed. "It's okay dream. I needed to cry. I feel like I haven't in forever" I sighed as I started shaking under the covers causing my teeth to chatter. "Are you cold" he asked. "Yeah" I sighed as he snorted. "Turn off the fan" he laughed. "No." I whined as I put my phone on the charger. "Get under the covers" he said as I chuckled. "I am" I said as he started laughing.  "Vanessa you're so complicated don't freeze to death. Hypothermia is a real thing." He said as I chuckled. "I know. I know. I just like the cold" I sighed as I was getting ready to go to sleep. "I care for you too dream" I mumbled as I felt my eyelids getting heavy.

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