moon [k.nj + k.sj]

8. F e e l i n g s

(Warning: Mature Language)

Namjoon's point of view:

Seokjin's head was on my shoulder. As if it wasn't enough when he, said something.

"-and...it's easy to talk to you. I- I've never really felt this way, but you make it all so simple. I know it's all like we just met two days ago, and all those don't hurry stuff, but I don't know why I'm saying this, it's just blurting out. You make me not want to control myself and be all 'Mr. Kim Seokjin' all sophisticated and doing things right and gracefully, you make me wanna be myself, because- you take up the role I've been playing." I stopped covering my mouth, "I'm sorry never mind, I talk too much."

The way he said it, it was kind of irresistible NOT to kiss him, which made me lean down and softly place a kiss on his plump lips, damn they were so fucking soft. "I like it." I said as he just stared into my eyes. 

Don't do it Namjoon, don't do it to him, fuck you for doing this, to him and tot yourself, you're just falling into this trap and are you gonna be able to keep it? 

"You know I've been meaning to ask you this-" I said. "Go ahead." I cleared my throat before saying, "How many people have you dated?" I asked feeling extremely inappropriate. "Well, I've had a few unique experiences." He said as I turned towards him, "To be specific, three." I nodded, "You want to know??" He asked kind of in a slightly raised voice, "if you're comfortable." I replied. 

"Well, the first one was in high school, precisely dated me cause he thought I was pretty. Then he had nothing in common AND he wanted to have sex, I didn't want to, at least I wasn't ready then, he tried to kiss me in a party, I pushed him away, tried again, broke his nose." He said raising an eyebrow, I kind of laughed slightly, "Not gonna lie, good." 

"Second one was a year later, she was nice, it was all good, until she decides that I was nothing but just a pretty face and cheated on me, also tried to hit on Hobi which is how I got to know the other stuff and when I consulted her, she...err...just said that it was me, and yeah bleh bleh stuff and we broke up." He said as if not trying to go deeper and avoiding sounding boring and centered around his own problems and sharing stories of his own misery.

"You know you don't have to tell me if you're uncomfortable and if you want to, I'll listen to whole of it." I smiled at him as he kind of got closer, nodding. 

"Third, well, that was one hell of an experience, it was during college. Before that I did have sexual partners but dated this one guy in college, three years, thought he was "the one"-" I said making the quotes, "He was nice, we were good, but...at the end, it didn't click off, he wanted some other things from life, I wanted something else, he moved to America, I wanted to stay and yeah, we went our ways." 

"Why did you say it was a hell of an experience?" I frowned.

"Because just leaving didn't satisfy him, he kept bugging me to go, accused me of not wanting to go because I might have developed other affairs here and then yeah it became toxic and getting rid of him was difficult. Firstly I was already kind of, you know what happens to people when they break up especially with the one they thought they's spend their life and then when he started doing these stuff, the feelings faded away like water washing it away and then all he seemed to be was a burden, just played with the head a bit."

I was just staring at him, "What?" He asked, "I wouldn't force you to say more, but there is something else right?"

He sighed, "Well, kind of...? Got into a fight...? Tae was in front, he called me some stuff and Tae was in high school but still didn't want him to hear and let what was happening in his brother's life affect him, he broke the vase and threw the glass some stuff at me." He said as he pointed at his forehead. My eyes widened but I didn't say anything.

It, it feels like all his life he has been doing for others, and hasn't been treated right, like the prince he was, he was taken advantage of for his pretty face and that's why he said the other day, 'Everyone says I'm pretty but my sea is pitch black.' I don't know what's going inside, but if he gives me a chance, I'm going to treat him right.

"What about you...?" He asked placing his head on my shoulder. 

"Me? I had a few too, not crazy ones or anything." He smiled, the prettiest one I had seen. "Tell me about it."

"Now, first I liked this girl, she...was nice, she was the president of the other class, I was of mine, we got together for projects and were hanging out and I was on her bed before I knew!" I said as he laughed, "No seriously! I didn't even know when what how where why something happened but apparently it did and then one day after I reached the second year of my high school, she said she fell for a girl, and we dealt with it very maturely. And yeah I set her up with the girl she liked!"

"That is super nice of you Namjoon." He said kind of laughing but not wanting to mock or anything, "Thank you." 

"And the second one, he was good too, we hit it off well, but then we lost communication, misunderstandings, didn't work out and it became a mutual break up. And my journey started and then I didn't date anyone after that, there had been flirting and sometimes it even went a little further or more but not the feelings. Until now." I mumbled the last part.

"Same." He said as I immediately looked at him, "Same what?" I asked, "Until now." Oh fuck.

There congratulations you absolute idiot Kim Namjoon, you have been caught into this thing called feelings. Enjoy.

It would work out...wouldn't it? They could try.