moon [k.nj + k.sj]

III. Do I wanna know?

(Warning: Mature Language)

Seokjin's point of view:

It sucks how your heart takes so much more time to accept what your brain already knows, but it sucks even more when your brain just won't accept what your heart feels. And it sucks even fucking more when you don't know the fuck you should do, I honestly don't think I have cursed this much in my entire fucking life as I have been doing in the past three months. 

This time, of acceptance, and letting it out. Stuff I have been holding in all these while, they say letting it out makes it loads better.

"Hobi, there." I said putting the bags on his counter as I sat down on the chair, "Ah thank you Jin hyung, I don't know what I'd do without you." I smiled softly, "Anyways, what are you doing in the vacation?" I looked up from my phone, thinking, "Nothing much, just hanging around." He nodded pulling up a box, "We can go down my house near the beach and drink and live our lives like tired old adults." He grinned, "The way your concepts are evolving, last time you pulled me to some crazy amusement park, and now you wanna be a tired old man?" I asked looking through the box of old stuff, "Ah, you know you gotta bring changes in life."

We stayed silent for a while, an uncomfortable silence, I knew what was coming up, "Hyung?" I looked up casually, "Yeah?" He sighed, "Are you okay? You haven't been yourself for days, I thought to give you your time, but it really concerns me, is there anything I can do to make you feel any better?" I smiled, considerate and understanding as always, "Aw Hobs, baby. I'm fine, I always am remember?" I smiled, he didn't look convinced. 

"You shouldn't hold something in which kills you." He said putting down the box, "Right." It was silent again, till I broke it, "Anyways, I should get going..." I said pushing the door, then I stopped, looking back, "I've been using his shirt as a pillowcase, do what you will with that information."

I got back playing on the music, something to fill in the silence, and I liked it. I got to the kitchen, washing the vegetables I got.

Do I wanna know?
If this feeling flows both ways?
Sad to see you go
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay
Baby, we both know
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

My phone rang up as this little thing flickered in my heart, my hands jumping to grab it, oh...it was the alarm, I need to switch it off in the right time, I sighed, what was I even thinking? I had deleted all the previous chats, the number, the pictures, but I could never delete these fucking thing called feelings. I grabbed the knife, cutting the vegetables as I increased the volume of the speaker, usually the neighbor, who for the information has borrowed stuff from me and never returned in seven years, complains that the music is too loud, but someone had "unwillingly" snapped at her about that and she has stopped from then on. 

Let's not pretend we don't know who the someone is, just a place pinches to say the name. It's normal after a break up right?

"AAOUH- FU-" I rapidly shook my arm running to wash it, a burning sensation on it, fuck fuck, never not pay attention during the use of sharp objects. I put my finger under the cold water before putting some antiseptic. Tying a band-aid around it, I put the vegetables to boil, jumping to my bed and burying my face in the pillow, sighing out.

Crawling back to you

I ran and put down the boiled vegetables, I didn't enjoy cooking as much as I used to anymore, it was way too silent and empty and dun dun dun. Every good smell I got or when I had no one to make them taste it or just talk to, it got irritating. Stirring it well, I put in the stuff the recipe website suggested. There was only this one song playing on repeat, reasons being I was too lazy to change and there was this tune which I found which reminded me of him somehow.