The Dark Side of Science

Chapter Forty-Four

(A/N: Few more chapters and then an epilogue oohh.

What are your opinions on Josh?)

JOSH'S P.O.V

"Goodbye Josh." She said cooly, the words causing a sting to my chest.

"Jess don't do this to me." I pleaded with her, grabbing her by the waist in an attempt to stop her.

"Get off me Josh." She snapped pushing me back away from her.

"Don't you love me?" I questioned, trying to hold onto my one last slither of hope.

"Did you honestly think I could anymore?"

Those words, all those words are still clear in my mind hours later. My heart literally aches right now.

I slumped down onto my bed, pressing my face imto the pillow.

Why can't I get over her? What is so fucking special about her anyway?

Why can't I be like any normal nearly 16 year old guy? Why can't I just find a new chick? Move on with my life?

Why is she making me so crazy?

I'm not crazy though, just a little impaired.

No, I'm fine. I'll be fine without her.

Who am I kidding?

I'll be ruined without her.

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The first shot burnt slightly as it rushed down my throat.

Oh who needs Jess when I have vodka?

About an hour later I had downed 6 shots, and I was smashed.

I didn't drink that much to be honest. Alcohol wasn't normally my thing.

It was a bad idea to get drunk, I am one of those drunks that don't get all happy and funny, I get depressed and lonely.

Oh and stupid.

So what did I do? I drunk dialed Jess.

She didn't pick up.

"I'll put it on private!" I muttered to myself.

Right, so after literally half an hour trying to figure out how to place the caller ID on private, I managed. Trust me you try doing it blind, its annoying enough when you are sober.

She picked up on the fourth ring. My heart fluttered at the sound of her voice.

"Hello." She grumbled, she must of been sleeping.

"Hey Jess." I slurred.

"Um who is this?" What? Didn't she recognize my voice?

"I love you Jess. So so much. I feel so sad now. I miss yo-"

She hung up. I didn't even get a goodbye.

I felt the lump rise in the back of my throat. Why was she doing this? She had to forgive me eventually right?

This was all my fault. Everything was always my fault. Josh Ryan the biggest fucking fuck up on Earth.

I threw back another shot, just as I felt a really strong wave of loneliness hit me.

So I called Nikita.

Nikita Bailey was South High's resident slut.

I dated her before Jess. She was too clingy, and dumb as fuck.

But hey, she's hot.

"Niki?" I said when she answered the phone.

"Awe Joshy bae! You called me." She squealed. Well at least someone recognized my voice.

"Yeah okay. Um hey do you want to come over?"

"Of course." She complied.

It was about 5 in the afternoon, half an hour and a shot since I called Nikita.

I heard a loud bang on the door. I knew Dad wouldn't be comming home till late tonight. So I wasn't surprised when Nikita was at the door. Dressed in a tight black skirt and white long sleeved crop top.

"Josh!" She screeched as she launched onto me, constricting me in a tight hug.

"I missed you!" She shouted as she let her self inside, sitting on the leather love seat.

"Yeah." I replied shortly. This was probarly a bad idea.

"So..." She drawled. "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know. I just felt a bit lonely I guess."

"Lonely? I can fix that." She said seductively, as she got up off the lounge walking over to me.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea. I am feeling tired anyway. Bye Nik-"

I felt her soft lips crash into mine. My head was unbelievably cloudy from the alcohol. I stupidly kissed back. Her mouth moved quickily and harshly compared to my slow messy movements. I felt her tongue graze along my bottom lip. I parted my lips and her tongue entered my mouth desperately. She grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the lounge. The kiss not being broken. She layed down, and I positioned myself over her.

She tugged on the hem of my shirt, gesturing for me to remove it. I disconnected our lips and slipped my shirt off over my head. She did the same. She had a black lace bra on. I had a feeling she expected something like this to happen.

She ran her fingers over my slightly defined abs.

"You are so hot Josh." She rekindled our lips.

Her hands ran down my sides reaching the waistline of my pants. She bit my bottom lip, asking for permission.

I felt a sick. No I mean literally sick. And before I could move. I emptied the contents of my stomach onto her pretty little body and lace bra.

"Oh my god!" She screamed in disgust. "Get the fuck off me!"

I climbed off her, and wiped my chin.

"I'm sorry." I groaned before running to the toilet and emptying the remaining alcohol from my gut.

I walked back into the lounge. Nikita was gone, and thankfully most of the puke. I cleaned up, had a shower and hopped in bed.

I felt gross. And no, not just from the vodka. I nearly slept with Nikita. I knew Jess wasn't going to forgive me but it still felt wrong to be with someone other than her.

God I missed her.

I miss the old Josh though. Pre-Jess. It was so much easier. When all I worried about was money and drugs.

The business. I feel like it doesn't even matter anymore? What's happened to me?

I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate what she has done to me.

I hate myself.

I hate my life.

What's the point anymore?

I'm at the end of the road, I've lost all sense of control.

I'm in ruins.

I'm done.

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