The Dark Side of Science

Chapter Thirty-Two

(A/N: Merry Early Christmas! Holy it's only a few days away, 2014 is nearly over! I love you guys, because guess what 5k+ reads and well 500 votes! Anyway have a safe and happy holidays! I will hopefully be updating more because 6 weeks school free bitches! Suck on it!)

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JOSH'S P.O.V

I'll tell you something now, I wouldn't want to be stuck in a place like this. It was just so depressing. It was so hushed, yet loud at the same time. There was the sound of babies crying, machines that do god knows what beeping and alarming all over the place, the light chatter of staff, and the painful sound of a parent sobbing after being told their child had lost the battle.

Everything was dark. Not like pitch-black, but the whole place was kinda dim. Yet still bright? I am making no sense. Everything I say is so contradictory.

There were a few harsh fluorescent lights over patients beds, making it clearer for nurses or doctors to see. All around there was the soft light that the various machines expelled.

I slowly looked around the unit, looking for Jessica of course, but also observing others.

I saw a little girl, I don't know how old exactly, but she looked about eight. She had two thick tubes sticking out of the side of her neck, her jugular. I followed the tubes with my eyes. They had blood flowing rapidly through them. The tubes were connected to a massive machine. Realization hit me, this young girl had kidney failure. This machine was filtering her blood, something her kidneys could no longer preform. The girl fluttered her eye lids open, she caught my gaze and looked at me questionably. I gave her a small, sad smile and continued looking for Jess.

The ICU was shaped kind of like a doughnut. It was round and the nurses station was in the middle, with a few isolation rooms I presumed.

I had done two laps of the unit yet still hadn't come across her. Maybe she wasn't even here, maybe she didn't even make it. I trembled at the thought, almost loosing it completely right there and then. She had to be here, maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough. Maybe I had to look closer.

Maybe I should just give up.

I sat down on an empty seat. Placing my head back into my hands I began sobbing. Well this was it. I had lost her. I had lost the girl I loved, and it was completely and utterly no one's fault but my own.

I stood up after about half an hour. My eyes were feeling swollen and puffy yet again, I could picture them now. I looked up to the patient that was directly opposite to where I was sitting. It was a girl, I couldn't determine their age from here. They had a oxygen mask covering most of their small face, they had a single cannula that I could see comming from her left hand. It was connected to an IV, that contained some helpful shit. I don't know. Her right arm was covered in a thick bandage.

What?

I took a step closer, could it be. I tried to squash my hopes down, to keep them from out of my mind.

The patient's hair was messy, matted and sticking up in odd places. Her face was lightly freckled. I know it shouldn't of even taken this long, but in that moment I had only just realised I was looking at Jessica.

"Oh my god." I whispered.

She was practically unrecognizable. She had changed so much, all colour was drained form her face. She looked dead. Yet I could hear her breathing.

"Jessica? Jess can you hear me?" I just wanted her to respond to me. More than anything.

"I-I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can I just want you too know I am sorry."

What am I thinking? Does sorry really cut it? No. Sorry is a fucking meaningless word. It means shit to everyone. People say they accept apologies. But they don't, it's all bullshit. Everything that comes from the human race is a big stinking heap of dog shit.

"Pl-Please answer m-me Jess." I pleaded, unable to control my stuttering.

I sat in the chair next to her bed, I just watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. Seeing her like this was heartbreaking.

A tall, attractive looking nurse came towards us.

"Hi." She said flatly.

She proceeded to check her vitals. You know blood pressure, pulse, IV line all that medical crap.

"Is...is she in a coma?"I questioned, I felt slightly stupid asking it.

"Uh n1o, not everyone has to be put in a coma you know? She's just sleeping." The nurse answered dryly.

She's bitchy.

She walked away and left me and Jess alone again, well as alone as you can be in here.

"Come on Jess, just answer me. If you want me to go, you have to tell me to go. Say anything to me. Please." I didn't know what to do. So I did the stupidest most cliché thing. I lent down and gently kissed her lips, they were dry and cracked, but I didn't even give a shit.

I didn't get a response though. I don't know why I expected anything. What did I excpect? For her to magically snap her eyes open because of some wanky true loves kiss.

But no I got nothing. Not a flutter of her eye lids, a change in breathing, not even the slightest of movement.

I stood there for one last moment just staring at her. Actually no, not 'staring' per say. I was admiring her. Even in this state, she was nothing, and I mean nothing less than perfect.

I loved her, completely and undeniably.

But because I am a fucked up, selfish, jealousy driven arsehole I let her slip away.

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