Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

He's Gay, You Know

It was Sunday's afternoon, the sun blazed warmly on the grass, and throwing light shadow on the tables and under the tress in the back yard. Voices drifting in and out of the kitchen to the yard, jolly laughs. His mom had contacted his uncle and aunt, and they had brought their families to have picnic together at their yard. It was years since they all last gathered together, they used to do it often when he was younger. Some time after his dad left them, and he was diagnosed, everyone was sort of drifting away, many of his cousins went to school at other cities. Yesterday his mom found out that some of them were in the city, and suggested the family reunion, and they had agreed.

Sander suspected that part of the reason was him, he just hoped his mom didn't mention about two days ago to them. Sander was certain that the others probably knew about his BD, but Sander had made it clear to his mom that he didn't like to talk about it, so they never openly acknowledged it. He was still warmed by the gesture though, so he tried to be nice to everyone, even though he didn't want to be around too many people right now. His mom made her famous croques and ice tea, the others brought brownies and cookies, snacks and even ice creams. Everyone was catching up with each others, and Sander did feel better seeing everyone being generally amiable together.

His phone chimed, and his heart stopped for a second when he saw whom the text from. It was from Robbe. He had unblocked him apparently. Sander snorted and read the text. Hi, I am sorry about friday. I didn't mean what I say. Sander saw everything flashed again in his eyes, and anger and the pain of rejection filled him. What shit is this? And a freaking text at that. He ignored it, and shoved the phone back into his pants.

Around two hours later, when they were drinking ice teas and lazily enjoying the evening, his phone chimed again. It was another text. Can I talk to you? Can we meet? Or you are always welcome at my place.. anytime. Sander was shaking from anger now. How dare he.. After what he said.. welcome at his place?! He remembered how disgusted with himself Robbe made him felt that day, to accuse him as some kind of predator. How dare he..

Controlling himself, he turned off his notifications. Sander stood up and walked around the yard, whistling to ease off the tension in his body. He watched the movement of the clouds on the twilight sky, closed his eyes, and felt the sweet-scented breeze touched his face gently. He listened to the relaxed air of people around him, the ding sound of ices in glasses and the laughs. It quieted him a bit.

There was a click sound and smell of smoke. Sander opened his eyes, Nathan, one of his cousin, was standing beside him, smoking.

"Want one?"

"Sure."

He handed him a cigaratte and the match. Sander lit it, and they smoke in amiable silence for a while.

"Where is Arthur now btw?" Sander, Nathan and Arthur used to be close when they were younger. Arthur was Nathan's bestfriend.

"Brussels, studying politic. You know him, always want to change the world."

"Ya, I remember," Sander smiled, thinking back to their time together, with Arthur always talked vigorously about some ideas or others.

Sander said, "Charming also, must have girls all over him there."

Nathan looked at him, "He is gay you know."

"Oh, I don't know that." And then Sander laughed because he, of all people, just made assumption like that.

"That was stupid of me, to just assume like that."

"Well, it's preprogrammed response I guess. You fine with that?"

Sander replied, "Why not? And I am into both you know. I never see any problem with that."

"Really? I don't know that also."

"Ya, I guess that's what happens when we lose contact with people."

Nathan laughed, "Ya.. anyway Arthur and I, we are not that close anymore, but we still talk once in a while."

"How was it with him? I mean, you know what his dad likes, I can't imagine he took it too kindly."

"It's bad for a while I think. He was withdrawn and scared. There was this period, when he became offensive, he threw the f*g word around a lot you know. He told me that he was ashamed of it now, but back then it was difficult for him to accept, he got through though. His dad was, you know, was an ass, at first, but it all worked out in the end."

Sander listened quietly. Sometimes he forgot, that not everyone accepted that part of them as easily as him. Well, that's not entirely true. He did question it shortly back then, but he accepted it almost right away. There were a lot of things he struggled to understand or accept, but that was not one of them. In his eyes, he only saw people and their beauty. It had always made perfect sense to him.

Noticing he was quiet, Nathan asked, "How about you?"

Sander hesitated. He decided there was no harm anyway. "There is this.. boy.. we like each other, at least that's what I think. We kissed, but the next day, he called me dirty f***ot, basically said that I took advantage of him." Sander stopped, a fresh stab of ache throbing inside him, laced with anger.

"Wow, that was harsh man." Nathan looked at him in sympathy.

"Yeah."

Nathan said after a pause, "I don't know him, so I don't know what is his problem. But he looks like he has some issue to work out himself."

Sander nodded.

"Anyway, we still can't just let people say shit like that to us, if you know what I mean."

"Ya, that's true."

Sander shrugged his shoulders, he didn't want to think about it anymore. He said to Nathan, "Hey, why don't you give me your insta handle? And Arthur's as well, I really want to see his dumb face."

Nathan cackled and patted him on the back, "Sure man."