Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

Zero Stars

Four days passed in a blur. Sander hardly slept anymore, sometimes he forgot whether he had eaten or not. At times he was there, other times he was startled when someone talked to him, or asked him something. He started avoiding people, because he found them irritating, and often he would snapped at them. He would look at his meds and wondered whether the things actually helped him or not. Half of him was sick of it, the other half knew that the meds did help and he was just being childish. School and art was the only thing that kept him on the ground. The routine helped him, even when he found it hard to focus sometimes.

He had started to reply to Britt text sporadically. He evaded any discussion about the night of the party and Britt had dropped the issue. She seemed to take it as a good sign of whatever she thought of their relationship. Sander didn't want to really acknowledge to himself why he was doing it. He just wanted some ease, something familiar. Britt could took it, she was used to him. But then he would felt like an asshole, and he would roaming around everyday when he was not at school to avoid her.

Sander never replied to Robbe text that night, he stopped contacting him, and just hovered in agonizing indecision. He missed him painfully, he longed for the comfort that his presence gave him, he craved for the sound of his laughs. After school, when he was about to get home or went somewhere, he would suddenly found himself riding toward the skatepark direction or Robbe's flat and he would turned back. There was one morning, when it took him a full minute to register that he had just sent a text to Robbe. It was just a simple Good morning and Robbe didn't reply of course.

When it was getting too much, he would took his sketchbook and started drawing the boy. It would brought the memories of their time together one by one in his mind. It would soothed him for some time. But then the other memories always came, demanding his attention. He felt pushed and pulled by different emotions, the flashes jumbled in his head. And because he was selfish, he would stopped thinking and just went and sent one drawing or another to Robbe. The boy never replied or texted him anything.

*

On Friday that week, just after school, he was sitting in a coffee shop doing some homework. The cafe was close to Robbe's school and he had been hanging out there for the last three days every afternoon. He had seen a picture of Robbe and his friends there in one of his post, and he knew he had subconsciously chosen this place of all cafes. Sander never saw him.

It was started to rain oustide, the wind had picked up speed and drops of liquid smeared on the window. Sander was watching them moodily, when he saw him. Robbe was walking with Jens toward the cafe. Sander froze for couples of seconds and then hastily he picked up his stuffs and shouldered his bag.

He walked to the door, and just swaying there hesitantly beside the door. It opened and Robbe came in, still talking with Jens behind him. Sander walked to him, Robbe turned, and stopped when he saw Sander.

Sander said timidly, "Hey."

Robbe didn't reply.

"Hey! Good?" Jens asked him.

"Ya ya good." Sander replied and they shook hand. Jens went to get a table.

Robbe didn't go after Jens, but he also didn't say anything to him. Sander walked closer and smiled tentatively. Robbe looked away and down. Sander couldn't think of a word to say, just seeing him already made him felt so much better in days. The cut above his eye was just a fading line now but they were dark circles under his eyes again, and he didn't look so well. He wanted to ask him, to hug him, to explain, anything. He glanced back towards Jens and the general room, and backed to Robbe.

Robbe looked cross and wounded, he stared at him coldly and looked away again.

Sander heard himself saying, "I wouldn't ordered the croque if I were you. Zero stars on booking."

Robbe glared at him for a second, and then he said, "Where's that Manager when you need him?"

He walked away and went to their table. Sander looked back, and Robbe gave him another angry glare before roughly dragged a chair and took off his jacket. Sander turned and walked out from the place.