Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

Ultimatum

On Monday, Sander went out to take a walk, just to a park near his house. He dragged himself to school on Wednesday. His sleep was still irregular, sometimes he slept for more than 10 hours, some nights he barely slept three or four hours. He felt tired all the time, even after he woke up from a long sleep. Sander stirred clear of everyone, and just talked when it was completely necessary. To say that he had no movitation to draw or making any art was an understatement.

He seldom checked his phone, when he did, he ignored everything that was not urgent. He finally typed a short text to Britt, just to get her off his back: Low. Don't want to see anyone. There was a text on Sunday from Robbe that he missed, asking about the mural. Sander didn't reply.

On Thursday, when he was feeling better, he opened Robbe's contact, and started to type: It wa— He deleted it. Opening instragram, he scrolled through his posts, smiled at that face, his thumb automatically liked his pictures. Sander sighed and threw his phone on the bed.

*

Sander had just been dozing off after school that Friday afternoon. He checked his phone and saw a text from Robbe: I want clarity. Either you choose me or I don't want to deal with this anymore. He just gave him an ultimatum. Sander was surprised by the decisiveness, but he knew it was inevitable.

Sander started to pace in his room. If he didn't answer, then that was an aswer in itself. Robbe was about to cut him off from his life. It would be like they had never met at all. He could just told him everything and then what? Robbe would left. It would be too much for him, and he wouldn't want to deal with it. Or Robbe would looked at him and didn't see him anymore. He would only saw his illness, just like Britt. He thought he was only protecting him, but the truth was, he was also protecting himself.

He had hurt him, and he might did it again. But Robbe had still wanted him, and told him that he needed him. Sander loved, needed him so much, and he could not lost him completely. He felt like standing on a cliff, and he had to either jump to reach Robbe at the other side, or stayed on the flat, cold, but familiar world he was standing on. If Robbe left him, he was not sure how much of him could came back.

When Sander glanced at the time, it was 7:23 PM. His thoughts were still running. The clock rolled on and Sander stopped in his trek. No. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. Grabbing his jacket and bag, he went out.