Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

I Can Handle It

Sander went home on Thursday evening. When he closed the door, he heard his mom's hurried footsteps from the sitting room. She looked at him with tender warmth and hugged him close. Sander embraced her back.

"I miss you, sweetie."

"I miss you too, mom."

They walked to the sitting room and sat beside each other.

"How was the appointment yesterday?"

"Good, I guess, I probably need to go for a couple more meetings."

His mom nodded, "That's good."

Sander said, "Mom, I am sorry about last time."

His mom frowned lightly, "Last time?"

"You know, when you visited me in the hospital last time."

"Oh.." But she was still frowning.

"You just looked shock and I thought that.."

His mom reached for his arm and squeezed him gently, "Honey, why are you sorry? It's not you, is that what you think?"

"What you mean?"

His mom sighed. "It was my fault, I shouldn't had brought her after you told me not to. But to be honest, I was a bit surprised with your reaction, your face—"

Sander flinched a bit.

His mom hurriedly said, "What really surprised me was Britt's words. Did she say things like that to you often?"

A pause. Sander nodded.

"Oh sweetie, I didn't know that. I thought that you guys were good and that she understood. I am sorry that I.." she trailed off.

"It's okay mom, you couldn't have known that. And anyway I let her, so it's really on me."

His mom gazed at him. "I talked with Britt that day. I don't know whether she understand better now or not. She looked sorry and she is still so young.."

Sander didn't say anything.

"That night you crashed, she was upset. And when you checked out from the hospital, she was worried. What she said was wrong, and it was harmful, but she did care."

"I know."

"I am still glad that you are not with her anymore. You deserve the world honey, you know that?"

Sander smiled and squeezed her arm.

"Mom, did dad leave because of me?"

His mom's smile faltered and she said, "Maybe we shouldn't talk about it right now.."

Sander looked at her, "It's okay, I can handle it."

His mom looked pained. Sander touched her arm and said firmly, "Mom, I want to handle it. It's time."

She looked back at him. "Sander, darling, of course it was not because of you. If I have known that you always thought that.."

"Then, why?"

She sighed sadly. After a moment she said, "Your dad.. he's always have such spirit, too much fire and wind in him. We were so young when we were married, and then we had you, and he was so happy, for a while.." Her gaze went distant.

"I don't understand." Sander said with emphasize, "We were happy. I remember that. So what was wrong?"

"It's not that simple, honey."

Sander shook his head in profound bafflement. "I know I was a handful when I was a kid—"

"That's not it," his mother cut him short, "You are a wonderful child, so beautiful and sweet." She resumed, "Listen honey, some people just can't handle a family. I don't know how to explain it. Believe me, he tried and he loved you, he loved us, but it just didn't work."

Sander kept silence.

"I am not making excuses for him. It's not on me and it's not on you. It's not us, it's him. Remember that, okay?"

Sander still didn't completely understand, perhaps one day he would, but to finally know had lifted that hold of his past off him.

When Sander didn't say anything, she moved to hug him, "He's not strong enough. But you, you are strong. We are strong. And we'll keep being strong together."

Sander smiled on her shoulder and said, "You are the best mother in the world."

She laughed, "Of course I am, you were such a handful child you know.."

"Mom!"

She chuckled, "Just kidding honey, well, half-kidding." Sander chuckled too.

She let go of him and they smiled fondly at each other.

Then she arched one eyebrow and said, "Anyway, when is Robbe coming?"

Sander laughed, "You just can't let it go, can you?"

"What? You promised me a long time ago. I have to meet the wonderful boy whom my son seemed to love so much."

Sander arched an eyebrow, "He already made an impression, huh?"

"Anyone who is that important to my amazing son is unlikely to be anything, but that."

Sander chuckled, "Soon, mom, I promise, okay?"

She raised her eyebrow.

Sander said, "His mom is in a hospital for a while now, so I don't want to push him."

"Oh? what happened to his mom?"

"She is in a psych ward," Sander said.

"Oh.. that must be hard for him."

"Ya.. but his mom is coming home next week, so maybe I will ask him to come."

She smiled and ruffled his hair, "I'll be looking forward to it then."