Guns and Roses

X L I X

Taeyong's POV.

5 months later...

"We're here" I was snapped back to reality when I heard Doyoung's voice.
I got too preoccupied here at the backseat, staring at the window beside me.

Jaehyun parked the van and we all climbed down. I looked at the familiar area as I heaved a hard sigh.

cemetery...

"Did you bring the flowers?" I overheard Yuta asked to Johnny.

"Here" Johnny said as he waved the bouquet of red roses. "Do you think she'd love them?" he asked to everyone, glancing at me.

Everyone just replied with a faint smile before we entered the memorial park.

It was awfully silent. There were also a few people who happened to visit as well today. I looked up, the sun is shining brightly... it's actually a good day... but I guess not for me.

The 4 of them are walking ahead of me while I am just here trailing behind. My hands stuffed in my pockets and my eyes focused on the ground. I find this place really depressing.

"here" Johnny announced after minutes of walking.

I kneeled down and brushed the dust and leaves that were covering the headstone.

"Taeyong's here" I said as I gently blew onto the granite to remove the remaining dust.

Johnny placed the roses beside the headstone. "hope you'll like this" he said. I patted his back and let out a small smile. He patted me back. "I'm sure she's smiling at us right now" he said. I glanced at Jaehyun, Doyoung and Yuta who are standing behind me. They all nodded at me, probably to make me feel a bit good.

I am so sad right now... and she's seeing it.

I sat down on the grass. Everyone was silent as I traced my fingertips onto her engraved name.

"I missed her so much" I said, my heart feeling a little too empty as I let that words out.

I stared at the headstone. I've been through so much, but this one will always be different. "look, I'm still going... like... what you have asked me to do. Aren't I strong?" I chuckled at myself. I looked up when my tears threatened to fall. "ah, shit"

"Taeyong hyung..." Doyoung mumbled.

"How about you mom? are you okay there?"

I asked as I looked down on the granite again. "are you watching me? I'm sorry for everything mom... y-your son failed at... everything" I whispered. I hate how I am so weak and vulnerable right now.

I'm sorry for being someone you used to hate mom. I was so ashamed that I couldn't show myself to you here. I build all my courage today to be here and beg for your forgiveness. If you're still here I swear you'll scold the hell out of me... I want that mom... I badly want you to do that... but that won't happen anymore because you left me...

way too early...

"ah fvcking tears" I hissed as I wiped these pesky little things that won't stop coming out of my eyes. I hate crying, it makes me feel like a loser.