Guns and Roses

E P I L O G U E

Jia's POV.

I decided to do things my way. I followed everything they said, I took the rehabilitation by heart and reminded myself that I am stronger than this fear inside me. Everything is just in my brain, this trauma is just me... fooling myself because a portion of me is a coward btch.

Things didn't go as easy as what I have initially thought. It's a war between my heart and my pathetic brain, and there goes my soul... completely lifeless. But Mark, Haechan, Jungwoo and Taeil are all there for me, their guidance contributed a lot to my persistence.

"you, you're stronger than that trauma right? like--- you're Park Jia, right? no one's as stubborn and as... uh yeah stronger than you"
Mark would always remind me of that and then there's Haechan...

"you love Taeyong hyung right? I know you're doing everything for him but this time it's not for him. Okay? you are doing this for yourself." but I did everything for Taeyong. Partially for myself maybe, but all for Taeyong...

"Taeyong is waiting. You don't have to rush things. Trust him, he may get tired at times... but he'll continue waiting" Taeil's words gave me so much assurance and worry at the same time... thinking that Taeyong might be feeling the same way as I did. We were not allowed to contact each other, knowing him... he'll break the barriers and do everything to be with me, and so does what I'll definitely do.

"Taeyong hyung is so easy to fall in love, but It'll take him forever to fall out of love... so you don't have to worry about him getting tired of waiting for you" Jungwoo once said to me, I don't know why but they're very blunt, seems like they can see through my emotions and therefore predict what I was feeling. I guess I have become that someone who is so easy to read.

the first 3 months... during those times I worked so hard on improving myself. I could barely hear voices, but my hallucinations was still there. The doctors said I'm doing a great job. I barely had an episode but I am still not advisable to go back and face him.
So we stayed a little longer more. I never heard anything about Taeyong from any of the boys. And I suppose he never heard a single thing about me as well.

And me being a woman afterall... I can't help but think what if Taeyong already found someone? and he already forgot about me? what if he got sick of me because I did nothing but make him wait? I always come across that thought but I engraved on my heart what Taeil and Jungwoo have said. He won't do that.

He promised to marry me...

I wasn't expecting myself to recover in a span of 5 months, but I did. Miracle was probably sent to me from up there. I am not completely great, but I am far way too good from what I was 4 months ago when we parted.

"you're doing so great Jia. You made it. Taeyong will be proud of you" Taeil said. I smiled at him, imagining Taeyong's face saying those words to me himself.

I showed them that I am already good. I am physically and mentally great than before. Hoping they'll understand what aspect of me needs to be healed next. We were supposed to stay a bit longer in states but I refused.

"Jungwoo, let's go back? I-I am fine now. You see? y'all said yourselves I'm doing great already. T-then why can't we go home to him yet?"

"How will we know you aren't faking everything?" He asked. I was taken aback by his question.

"Look, I-I am physically and mentally good now. B-but..." I pointed my chest. "this one here is not" My voice cracked as pesky tears automatically fell down. His expression softened.