Stuck In A Moment

Making up.

A/N: You have spoken and more people said they wanted me to continue on rather then do a sequel, so this is just a filler type chapter to bridge what just happened on Christmas with what's going to happen next.

Alexander had tremendous guilt over what happened over Christmas. Even a week later, he was a wreck. He never would've been able to forgive himself if Laurens committed suicide. He probably would've done the same had that happened. But luckily it didn't, and now Laurens was trying to show him that he forgave him and help him move on.

"Hey Alex, can we talk?" Laurens asked as he walked into Alexander and Lafayette's dorm.

"Yeah. Laf, can you give us a minute?" Alexander asked.

"Sure, mon ami." Laf stood up and walked out.

"I know you still have guilt." Laurens explained. "Every time I've seen you since Christmas, it's like you can't even look at me."

"I'm sorry." Alexander responded.

"And then there's that, the real Alexander rarely apologizes." Laurens laughed.

"Well, the real Alexander is rarely wrong." Alex joked. "But this isn't just a little mistake. You could've died. You would've died if Peggy hadn't talked you out of it."

"But I'm not dead. And I forgave you. Please, I just want things to go back to normal." Laurens said.

"It's more complicated then that." Alexander said.

"What were you doing before I walked into the kitchen that day?" Laurens asked. 

Alexander's eyes opened wide. He didn't think Laurens had come in in time to see him. "What do you mean?" Was all he could say. 

"I already saw the knife before you dropped it. I just want to know how far you were going to take it." Laurens elaborated. 

"I think you know." Alexander admitted. 

"Knowing that makes me feel stupid for wanting to kill myself." Laurens replied. 

"Why?" Alex questioned. 

"Cause hearing you say that, if I had died, and you had died, we would've both ruined mom and dad's lives. It's a chain. Our decisions affect others. You think we would've learned that by now." Laurens sighed. "I'm just glad I managed to show up when I did." He looked at Alex, who's face disagreed with him. "And yet I get the feeling you wish I hadn't."

 "Have I ever told you what happened to my brother, James?" Alexander asked.

"I don't think so." Laurens responded.

"Me and my brother went out into the street, cause our home was flooded and we were trying not to drown. I didn't know it at the time, but my half brother, Peter, was already dead by then. We were doing a good job at staying alive, but a tree branch hit us and knocked us out. When I woke up, there was a man." Alexander paused for a moment. "He said that he could only save one of us. He chose me, and by the time he went back for James, he was dead. I've always blamed myself for that, because that man would've saved him if I wasn't there."

"That's not your fault..." Laurens began.

"It is. This isn't like when I say you didn't kill your mother. You said your mother knew she was going to die. She made a choice. I existed and it cost James his life." Alexander said. "Me being alive took another life."

"He would've wanted to die if it meant saving you." Laurens explained. "I know it's a psychological thing, like everyone else is telling you that it's not your fault but you still believe it is. But I promise you it's not."