The POPSTAR that got away

Seeing Austin for the first time-- September 2015

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"Oh jee, George thanks Zeus you are at least in time. Is it too much to ask your own brother to come to pick you up from the airport? Supposedly yes, because I asked Oliver and apparently the mundane task of being nice to his own brother did not excite him enough to come pick me up after he has turned down the tour to do who knows what in here. Jee. Him and his "I'm too good for everyone else" attitude should get married."

Then as he finishes his rant, unaware or ignoring that everyone's eyes are on him, he looks at me. And in his eyes I start seeing all the emotions that humans have ever felt but in random orders, passing first from one, then another then another still in such a haste that I am afraid he is going to get broken due to hardware overheating.

He looks at me, up to down and back up. Open his mouth but then doesn't say anything. 

Suddenly chaos erupts and everybody is pushing towards us in a claustrophobic manner.

His security barely manages to make sure fans don't crush us. 

I look around me and I can't believe I am in the center of this shielded space that I share with Austin. 

I thought I would be lucky to see him once or twice around school at most. 

Not in a thousand years I would have dreamed to be so lucky as to meet him right away at the airport my first day.

A few other people menage to get into the circle. I recognize them. They are the other band members, expect Oliver, who is not here. 

They all tower over me and look stunningly beautiful. 

I feel my heart race in my chest but I pretend to be cool and look everywhere but at them, because if I do look in their direction I am sure my cheeks will display my feelings and that would be super embarassing.

They look at me puzzled but don't say a word. 

I see Sommer amongst the crowd. Her mouth is open ajar as she looks at me standing in the circle created by their security with the band. As she notices I am looking at her she tries to mouth words which I can't understand given the chaos that has erupted around us and I feel so nervous that I don't even try to answer to her and instead remain still as a statue. 

"I think this will be everyone," says George the driver cutting the circle to start as the head of the line that we follow to get to the vehicle.

As soon as we exit the airport the warm air takes the place of the air conditioner inside. A warm blanket hugs me tight.

I still can't believe I am sharing a car ride with them. I guess I read it somewhere that it was part of the schedule to be picked up at the airport but I never thought I'd have such company.

I follow straight behind George and regret it as soon as I realize now I am walking in front of them and feel extremely self conscious of their immense presence right behind me.

"This was an epic tour but boy I got tired," says the voice I attribute to the guitarist Grulon. 

"There it is again, it's because you are too old for this. What are you even doing with us anymore? Go retire," says Austin.

A collective laugh follows. Their melodic voices sound like heaven on Earth. 

What I thought would be a limo is instead a jeep\van divided into two compartments. 

The band runs on the top floor and I am asked to take the place next to George, which I do very very relunctantly but I am trying to look like I don't care where I sit, so I just do it quietly.

"I'll drive them home first" says the driver.

"Mh-mh" I mumble as my heart races because seeing where they live has always been my dream and because maybe luck is on my side today and I'll get to see Oliver, the mysterious and private super star as well.

---

%AUGUST 2023

I can't believe I am living these memories again for the first time and I am able to come back to the present at will as long as I stay inside the Forest of the Forever Moments. 

But again, this is starting to feel wrong. Maybe the only reason I had these super strong feelings for Oliver back then, a person I had never met before in my life except for seeing him in magazines and youtube videos was because I came back from the future and changed the past. 

I am back to revisit these memories after all of those things between me and him happened, therefore I am influencing the past, because although the Forest of the Forever Moments allows me to revisit the past, I am still somewhat aware of all the feelings that I will experience in the future with him. 

These were not normal feelings for a celebrity. They were too strong, too real already. I must have transferred these feelings from the future to my past self... 

But can I really change the past or only revisit the memories? 

And what happens if I influence my past self too much?