The POPSTAR that got away

Sincere Apologies

Oliver walks towards the bed and under the influence each step he takes seems too slow. 

He is looking at me with a sadden expression on his face. 

"Here, let me help you, you'll cool down in a minute," he says as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

"Is it ok if I remove it for you?" he asks quietly eyeing my shirt. 

"yeah, it's really hot".

He leans forward on his bed until he is hovering on top of me. I can see his lower lips are shivering as he reached for intricate design of laces in the front of my shirt. 

His hands are shivering too as he starts unlacing it delicately. 

I look at his concentrated expression as he fumbles with the laces.

"I have untied it. I am going to open it now and remove it, if that's ok with you"

I don't say anything, suddenly unable to find the words, so I just nod. 

His lips slightly curve upwards and then he opens up my shirt. Then he pulls me upwards and let me rest on his chest as he removes my shirt. 

I feel very hot with the skin to skin contact but it also feels so emotionally good that my body's need come in second place. 

As he slips my shirt from my still numb arms I expected him to put me back down but instead he holds me close still.

It takes me by surprise when a few seconds later he gently lays me on a mountain of pillows, so that I am sitting straight and I have a better visual of the room and the most important thing inside it. 

"If it makes you feel better I took it too. But you know, on tour we do plenty of these so my tolerance is very high. I gave you way too much for your first time" he admits sitting next to me. I look at his long legs standing straight on the bed and his hands tucked in between his legs. 

I am still unable to speak too much and the room in front of me starts to fill with many colours again. 

"No," I yell in fear that everything real will be replaced by bright colours, taking away my reality again. 

"I am starting to see the same things too," he says gently. "It will pass soon, I promise".

I nod my head, trying to contain all the fear inside. Despite everything, the fact that he is here with me and that he didn't drug me on purpose fills me with unimaginable happiness. 

"I am right here," he says and in the mixture of weird colours I open my eyes and look at me, barely making up his beautiful shape.

Now the feeling of fear is replaced with an excstatic happiness. 

"You feel it too?" I ask him, finally able to speak again. "Yes, now the good part starts" he says in a low voice. 

I try to move my hands and when I manage to I want to explode with happiness. 

I look around me and everything looks better, purer, more magical. 

"Wait a moment," he says leaving the bed. 

Sudden panic at him leaving surges through me and I instinctively grab his arm. 

"No please, stay here" I beg him. 

He gently takes my hand and takes it away from his arm. 

"I'll be back in a minute. I promise it will be worth it," he says before darting away. 

I stay still feeling the emptiness next to me where before there was his body. I miss him a million times more than I did when he went on tour in the winter. I hope it's the drug having this effect on me because I couldn't live with this feeling. 

The seconds he is away tick each like an hour and I feel panicky again. 

Yet as soon as he is back my heart overfills with joy. 

"Do you like it?" he asks, smiling at me. I am about to ask what should I be liking but then I hear the gentle music filling the air. Music has never sounded so good and I smile back at him, showing all my teeth.

"I love it," I say, hoping I could just say "I love you too".

"It's one of the groups that has influenced me the most in writing our songs," he says.

"It's wonderful".

Then silence falls upon us and we stay like that next to each other for a while, without saying anything. 

I keep glancing at him, trying to stop my need to touch him. 

I keep imagining to slide my hand a little until I find his and then squeeze it. 

Eventually after what must have been half an hour or 10 hours, I really can't say in this dreamy state, I turn around to face him and stare at his shiny long black hair. 

"Can I touch it?" I ask him. 

He looks at me confused and then he breaks into a gentle laughter. "What?" he asks "I don't think I understood what you mean" he says brightly. 

"Can I touch your hair?" I ask again. 

He doesn't answer and just leans on me, placing his head on my shoulder. 

"Sure" he says and closes his eyes. 

I bring my arms on his head and start touching his amazing hair, that feel even better under the influence. 

I keep touching his hair, amazed by how good it feels for a while until the music stops and I realise he is sobbing. 

"Why are you crying?" I ask, confused and alarmed. 

"I am sorry" he just says and for a moment I fear the worst.