The POPSTAR that got away

Diane's last words

"He took me to his bedroom. He was quiet, more quiet than usual. I thought he was as nervous as I was. Maybe more. I thought it was because, I was sure, it was his first time. 

Then he surprised me. 

He removed his shirt in the semi dark room, revealing his muscular torso. 

My heart fluttered. He was so, breathtakingly, beautiful.

I swinged towards him, feeling giddy. I placed my hands on his chest and smiled at him. He looked so serious. He looked mad and dangerous and I felt small. I tried to shake off the feeling and kiss his neck. 

He let out a grunt and grabbed by hips, pulling me up. I wrapped my legs around his chest and he took me to the bed. He grunted in pleasure as I kissed his neck and I thought he was finally enjoying it. 

I run my fingers in his hair and he grunted again. I moaned in response and his arms wrapped tighter on my hips and traced down on my tights. 

Then I trailed my hand down from his strong chest to his flat stomach. I giggled. Hid my hand in his pants but... he wan't hard. 

I tried to touch it, revive it with my hand but nothing was happening. 

After a few minutes he pulled away. Said he was sorry. It just wasn't going to happen. He put some music on. Then he told me again that we could only be friends. Nothing more. 

I cried, I begged him to just cuddle with me, that maybe he just needed more time, that he might have been nervous, it was normal. 

He just shook his head without answering me, looked at me like I was a child who couldn't understand an easy concept. 

I wrapped my arms around him, tried to plead him to just relax and cuddle with me now, but to no avail. 

Eventually he put his shirt back on and told me to take my time. He would leave. 

I begged him to stay and started to cry but he was quickly gone. 

I waited in his room until the next day and then when his mum entered the room to look for something I felt so humiliated and silly I left. 

She looked at me like I was dirt".

Diane sobs and as these last words leave her mouth I feel so sad for her. I go wake up Shakill, adjourn her of the events just happened and we both run outside the hug her. 

Me and Shakill let Diane cry on us for a bit. I close my eyes as I take in her pain.

When I open my eyes I gasp in fear. Fantasia's eyes are on me, she has a look of suspicion in those eyes that it scares me. 

%%August 2023

Fuck, I say as I get back to the future for a few seconds, does she know about me? Can she see me? Not only I can live and change the past, Fantasia can see me. I think as my heart thumbs louder than ever. 

This is not how I remembered Fantasia acting around me back then, she was this kind faerie. Now she looks at me suspiciously. She knows I am manouvering past me from the future.

But nothing will keep me away from my goal, I think as I return into the memory, only partially noticing my phone buzzing in my pocket.

%%past 

"Will he come by tonight?" asks Diane to Fantasia, with her eyes still full of unfallen tears. 

"You need to forget about him Diane. Completely," says Fantasia with an authoritative voice, then she turns to me and my blood freezes in my veins because it feels like she can see through me, all the way to the hidden entity in my mind. 

"You need to forget, do you understand?" she says looking at me.

"Yes, yes I do," answers Diane. 

Seeing my worried and confused expression Fantasia comes closer to me and wraps her arms around me. 

"Bye girls," she says giving me a squeeze. 

"Try to take care of Diane and study hard," she says before leaving. 

Despite Fantasia's words, I keep waiting for Oliver to come by tonight to talk to Diane. I want to see him, explain myself. 

As time progresses I am also starting to want to apologise to Austin for what I said, but I know it's probably best if me and him don't get too close to each other. 

The rain starts falling and I watch it from my window as it touches the lake and refreshes the forests on the other side of the lake. 

Eventually I give up waiting for Oliver to arrive and join Diane and Shakill for a study session at the French cafè. 

%%Present 2023

I breath out and I am in the Forest of the Forever Moments. There are no memories available for what happened in the following months because they were not memories worth for the Forest to remember. So I need to go look for the next memory that the Forest is storing for eternity. 

But before I lace myself into this next memory, I think nostalgically at what happened after that night. 

Looking back, although it was not a time full of indescribable wonder, it was one of the happiest times of my life. 

I was, for a while, having a crush on Oliver and managing to get a peak at him very sporadically at school but nothing more. 

I never managed, despite my best stalker efforts, to meet him again in the music room in the basement as we were not allowed anymore to go there during his private times. 

He also skipped almost all the classes so it wasn't really possible to catch him around school. 

The rare occasion I did see him, passing by, for a few brief seconds, were the highlights of my days. 

The rest of the time, me, Shakill and Diane kept studying hard and throughly enjoying our projects. 

In this school everyone was allowed to choose one single project on a subject and carry it out most of the time. So that everyone could master a subject they were really interested and passionate about. 

We spent endless nights studying at the French cafè while eating croissants and black coffee. 

We expanded our circle of friends but spent most of our time just the three of us. 

But the best thing was that Diane fully returned to her old funny self, seemingly forgetting about the pain of loosing Oliver little by little.

It was almost weird tho, as if she forgot he even existed, but in the literal sense. As if she completely forgot anything that went on between them. 

I remember by heart this one time we passed by Oliver in the corridor and Diane turned to me and said "see that one is Oliver, Austin's brother. Now that you have finally met both, which one do you like more?"

I was so confused given the countless times before we had met Oliver together. I talked privately with Shakill later that night but she told me not to bring up my concern to Diane and let her heal, so I did, because Shakill was wise. 

At the end of the first year, when summer holidays arrived, one night Diane surprised us by inviting us Austin's party.

That one is a memory the Forest of the Forever Moments will never forget. One of my fondest, I think as I slip giddily into this memory, one of my favourites, ignoring with no guilt the cellphone in my pocket which keeps vibrating.