The POPSTAR that got away

Back to the future

%% 2023 

I have chugged down a few drinks and my mind is not working properly anymore.

If only she knew what I did to my mother that night.

If only she knew what she did to me before.

"What are you doing here? Why won't you answer me?" roars Austin.

"Let's go away" begs Shakill tugging at my dress.

But I don't hear them. I am lost inside my mind. Lost inside the Forest.

I painted a picture of my mother as I wanted her to be instead of who she really was. Did I do it to look cool? Did I do it because that's how I wanted her to be? But she was cool. She just was never cool with me. That's how Gio had the pleasure to know her. She never took me to her shop. She never sewd the dress with the galaxy for me. She never did anything for me. And that is why I got overly jelous and called the mental health hospital and told them lies so that they would take her away. I am a horrible horrible person with a secret that is eating me alive.

And suddenly the party's balloons turn to trees and nodes and plankton. I am back in the Forest of the Forever Moments, which allows me to relieve memories for the first time.

How long had it been since "sweet" Linda called? A day? A week? A month? I had lost track of time. Maybe it is even too late to even bother leaving the Forest to say my goodbyes to my mother.

My heart is racing very fast in pure panic mode. The forest seems to sense it because it starts moving at the same rythm as my pulsing heart and that gets my attention. The scenery in front of me is breathtakenly beautiful. It looks like it has something urgent to say, something urgent to do. It looks urgent in itself. I stand up and walk around, admiring the electric blue emanating from the trees. My pulse stabilizes but as soon as it does I am not in the forest anymore.

I embrace the cold wind that welcomes me back to the world.

My heart still lingers to go back to the forest, to the party and go look for Oliver of eight years ago. Or to just go back and live forever in the past because the past was easier. Even when Austin was mad at me during the party it was still worth it to be there. For what was about to come. For how young and good I looked in that endless galaxy dress. Or at least it was far away and my lies couldn't reach me back then.

My phone buzzes like a full bea hive in my pocket and I dread that it might be a call from sweet Linda, that is so kind that she managed to find my number to let me know my mum wants to talk to me. What a sweetheart that Linda is. This is sarcastic, obviously.

But then again, it could be Oliver. But I know It's not him. I know I will never get a message form him gain, although I so much wish I could. But I can't risk it being Linda so I don't even look. Panic starts to assail me again and I feel so sick to my stomach that I can't even force myself to walk back to the hotel room. I feel so oppressed by the weight of my own lies that I need to lye down and close my eyes and sleep the present away.

The phone keeps buzzing. What if it's Gio? And he is pissed because sweet Linda managed to get his number and now he knows mum is alive and I have known for a long time and I haven't told him because I have been too busy dealing with the sense of guilt and the repercussions of my own lies?.

Fuck you sweet Linda. I muse as I see the roots of the Forest sucking me back in.

"Come back in '' says a tree of the forest. The trees talk? I am terrified for a moment, I blink and close my eyes but by the time I open them again in a third of a second I realize that it wasn't a tree talking, it is Shakill. I am back to the party in the past.

"Come back to your senses Deity!" says Shakill again, panic in her voice.

"I am sorry I yelled says Austin. Are you ok? you fainted"