BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

06

Tuesday, 01/09/1995

Pansy looks miserable. Small, next to her overly huge suitcase.

And pretty. Very pretty in a sea of inconspicuous people.

"It's almost time. I should get inside."

Faintly the wind carries her words over to me, through the train's cracked window.

"Right, you should. Remember what I told you, yes?"

"Study hard, make the most of it. I will. Promise."

The woman next to her is familiar. I would recognise her tall, scrawny figure everywhere, her ever-bland expression.

My mother hugs Pansy goodbye. Tightly but briefly. 

No sooner than she wrapped her arms around her she lets go again and walks away without turning back.

Leaving Pansy alone on Platform 9¾.

Seething, I turn away from the image of her, standing there, her hair all messy from the wind.

I'm scared of the times that lie ahead. New and old faces await me, far more old than new ones though. Needless to say, hers is one of those faces, one of those faces I wish would stay in my past.

But she won't. She'll haunt me for as long as I let her. 

And I'll let her as long as I'll care about her, Astoria and everything that happened.

Just as my first sobs are about to shake me, she's standing in the doorway of my still-empty cabin. Trunk in hand, eyes watery, gaze angry.

"You coward!"

Her hissing voice makes me wince. Her rage is shooting sparks.

"You didn't even say goodbye to her. How could you?!"

"It's none of your business Pansy, shut up."

"It's my family too, last time that I checked and you're not going to break her heart like that! She was asking for you!"

"Shut up!" I jump up, furious, fuming.

Quickly, I yank my trunk down from the luggage net over the seats, ready to squeeze past her. Which I do. Panting, I make my escape down the narrow corridor, she at my heels.

"You're ruining everything! When are you ever going to apologise to us?"

There are no compartments left. 

Every last one of them's already occupied, filled with students over students. 

Where to?

"You're ruining mom's life for literally no reason. What has she done to deserve that?!"

Her taunts cut me so much deeper than my fury could express. They cut my flesh down to the bone. Through it even. But there's no time to break down now, no room either. Not here, nowhere really, I feel. 

Helplessly, I turn around. To face her is the only thing I can do now that I've reached this compartment's end.

"You're not innocent so stop acting like it! You've hurt me more than I ever hurt you."