BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

12

Monday 08/09/1995

"Y/n."

I look up to the sight of Theo, who's sitting in front of me across the table.

I know what he wants before he takes another breath. To talk. He wants to talk, to finally talk.

I too - at least that's what I thought. Or what I planned to do.

"I just wanted to ask you something," he declares, quietly, confirming my suspicions.

"And that would be if you have time?" His last words almost drown in the noise here. The Slytherin table is packed - as usual at breakfast time. Everyone's chatting away, dishes clatter all around.

"Now?"

I don't know what it is that suddenly overwhelms me so much. We have to talk, there's no other way. Now might not be a perfect time, but then again, when would be?

My silence unsettles him. It's clear to see.

"Well, yes," his gaze softens, "wouldn't take long, just - just a minute or two."

"Tracey, what time is it?" Breaking our eye contact I search Tracey's attention. I don't think I can do this right now. Not today.

What would I tell him?

Haven't thought about it. Haven't figured it out.

I know I should have.

"Eight-thirty," she answers, "why?"

"So late already?" I call out, immediately regretting what I just did. I wanted to handle this differently. I should have. But now it's too late, I have to keep going.

"I gotta go now, sorry, we can talk another time."

A fleetingly cast glance at Theo and a hurried last sip of my pumpkin juice later I leap from my seat. With the confused stares of Tracey and Theo poking my back I hurry away towards the exit, knowing that what I've done has made things a hell of a lot more awkward and complicated for me.

Tracey will be wondering what's going on with me now, she'll know that something is going on. What am I supposed to tell her?

That I kissed Theo and since refuse to have any kind of contact with him because I'm, yeah, what is it that I'm feeling?

Fear?

I'm frightened that I fuck it up - I fucked it up already. I was scared to hurt him, but now, if I'm really honest with myself, I'm just scared that he doesn't like me anymore.

Because I didn't respond soon enough, because I didn't do anything at all. Because I was too busy pondering about what to do, to do anything.

Fuck.

Just a couple more steps and I'm out, away from here. Outside in the hallway, there'll be no Theo that wants answers. No Tracey either. There'll be peace and there'll be quiet.

I lengthen my steps and quicken my pace, more eager to get out of here faster by the second. Suddenly, something hits me hard - my fall ends even harder.

I find myself on the floor as I open my eyes, still in the great hall.

Confused, I look up, meeting silver eyes.

Draco.

Oh no.

To get up hurts, but I couldn't care less. It can't be that hard to vanish into thin air, can it? There surely has to be magic, a spell or some potion, for that.

"Where are we going in such a hurry?" He laughs, quietly. His smirk infuriates me extraordinarily.

I just debased myself in front of several people, Merlin, basically in front of the entire great hall. And what's he doing? He's standing there, on his own two feet, smirking and laughing.

He should have landed on the floor, just like me.

"Don't be embarrassed," he murmurs, so close to my face that I can feel his breath on my skin. Caught off guard, I follow the very first instinct I have, to back away. I slip outside at last.

But once outside our encounter doesn't seem to be quite over. A hand wraps around my wrist, pulling me closer, closer than before.

"Am I making you nervous?" His smirk widens as he asks.

No, he's not.

"Why would you think that?"

No, he's not!

His face is smug, as he shrugs, "I don't know, you tell me."