BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

63

25/12/1995

"How do I look? I fucked up my hair... be honest, it's not tight enough, is it? It'll all come apart, fuck... fuck, Daphne, could you please, please check if the back's still fine. I have all those baby hairs, they-"

"Shit Tracey!" Daphne throws her arms in the air, an exaggeratedly frightened expression on her face. "This sucks, you look horrendous! Merlin, help us all!"

"Daphne, please, don't mess with me right now," Tracey whines, "or I'm not going in there."

"Oh, that's great, then you can come with me to the library. One less boring school dance won't hurt. Adrian can come too if he wants."

"Y/n! Help me. Can you check if my hair- there's this- I have this problem, I just- I need to know if-"

"Tracey, you look gorgeous. Don't worry. Come on."

The Great Hall's doors are quickly pushed open, allowing a wave of chattering and music to seep outside to us unhindered. It hits us like a wall - horridly loud compared to the previous silence in the corridors.

It doesn't exactly help me calm my frayed nerves.

A couple of deep breaths stream through my lungs, in and out, one after the other. I remain at the door while the others throw themselves into the scene.

Well, Tracey does, dashes around like a doe, all around the dance floor and then right across it.

Daphne makes herself comfortable on some armchair she found at the side. Book in hand, she foreshadows me, that I won't be hearing or seeing much from her tonight. Not unless I join her. Maybe I should. Maybe it would be for the better.

But no, I have plans. Revenge plans.

And for that reason, after I have breathed enough deep breaths, enough to last me the whole night, I too make my way straight into the crowd.

And it doesn't take long, no, not long at all until I find you, Draco.

A breathless, "Hi" and suddenly you're standing right in front of me, grabbing my waist, caressing over the soft dark green fabric of my dress. Your hair is wispy, your cheeks a rosy tint and your eyes glowing as you tell me how beautiful I am. But you are too, more beautiful than I, for sure. In your suit, all fancy, all black.

The way you look at me, how it breaks me; happy, smiling, laughing. You love me, you do.

What can I say about that?

Swirling, the world hurls around us, to the music that keeps getting more and more exuberant the later it gets.

Swirling, we join the world hurling and hurling, round and round as we dance.

I continue watching you, not only because the sight of you makes me feel so safe.

Your gorgeous features, your beautiful face beaming right at me. You're holding me good as I cling to you, frightened guild will force me to my knees; now and here, down towards the floor of this sea of people; of velvet and tulle.

Without you, it would.

They all do look magical. All of them. Tracey and Adrian, arm in arm; all giggling; all perfect.

I wish I had what they had, I wish we had it.

Astoria. I cannot put into words how effortlessly good you look. Your golden hair flies freely - everywhere your lively dance with Meredith leads you.

My insides sting at the sight of you, so hard I think I might die.

Bitter, bitter jealousy.

Hurt, I avert my gaze, what's the point of suffering?