BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

20

Friday, 20/09/1995

It is silent. Her hand in mine firmly, her quiet breaths audible, irregular, agitated.

She is nervous.

It's dark. Our footsteps on the stone floor, headed deeper into the dormitories. To my room.

Because she wants to talk.

My heart beats at least twice as nervously as hers. Pound, pound, pound.

She makes me nervous, terribly, terribly nervous.

I don't know why.

Maybe because her eyes always seem to see through me when I look at her, to trap me. Maybe because she's someone new, someone new who for some reason got to me.

I think about her, she won't let me go.

And it makes me feel idiotic, I never was. Not about girls I brought to my room, not about any girl. But right now, yeah, right now I'm nervous. Because of her.

The key turns squeakily loud in the lock of my door, so familiar.

Then we finally stand in my room. And I have no idea of what's to come.

It's dark here, no light, no candle burning.

All I can make out are outlines, silhouettes of my furniture. And her, her face, her eyes shining in the darkness. Angry.

She's awfully angry.

"You goddamn prick!" Her fist slams against my shoulder, I take a step backwards, my back hitting the door, defenceless. Not saying anything. I'm an ass. I know that.

"Why just why?"

"What why?"

"Why did you break his nose?!"

"He attacked me."

"God, this is ridiculous."

"Is it?"

"Yes!?"

Frustrated, her fist slams against my shoulder again.

"Don't be so upset."

"I sure as hell am upset!"

"Why?"

"Because you broke Theo's nose, stupid!"

"What was I supposed to do?!"

I grasp for her hand, stopping her from punching me again.

"I don't know," she blurts out, incensed.

If it wasn't this dark I could see the redness on her cheeks that has surely spread on them.

"You shouldn't have done that."

I'm starting to get angry. I defended myself and now she blames me for everything. Honestly, what the fuck was I supposed to do?