BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

21

Friday, 20/09/1995

Pound, pound, pound, my heart is beating in my throat, so loudly that I'm sure he not only is able to feel, but hear it. 

My head is reeling. Absolutely reeling. 

What is he thinking? Does he hate me? Why is he kissing me then? Or am I kissing him? We kiss. Intensely, intimately. 

My. Head. Is. Reeling. 

Reeling from my thoughts, my questions, him. His scent that envelopes me, lingering in my lungs, my throat, my nose. The same air that we breathe, scented by his cologne. 

My. Head. Is Reeling. 

My attention shifts from his hand around my throat to my lip that he bites down on, pulling a moan from me. A moan. From him biting my lip.

Lord what have I gotten myself into. 

At least he can't see my blushed cheeks. He can't see anything. I can't either. Only feel, feel his hands on me, his fingers hugging my throat firmly, him brushing down my arm, tugging into my side. I lean into him even more, my knees growing weak as his tongue licks over my lips before entering my mouth. 

Stop. Focus. 

I am angry with him.

He broke Theos nose.

I'm not angry anymore.

But he broke Theos nose.

Impulsively I push my palms against his chest, breaking our kiss, him away from me. It's silent. He looks at me. I look at him. And then I just give in, give in and wrap my arms around is neck, pull myself up to press my  lips to his in a kiss that'll hopefully make him bleed.

My actions reflect my rage, my kisses are rough, my grip on his hair tight, as I claw my fingers into it, moaning into his ear as he plants kisses onto my collarbone.

My body aches, aches for him and I know it. I wont even start thinking about for how long it did.

His touch just feels so good, his every breath on my skin, every goosebump his kisses evoke. So fucking good. 

He pushes me backwards, further into the room, not letting go of me with his hands in my hair, on my ass, grabbing it. Biting into his earlobe softly, I let my hands explore his torso, the muscles underneath his shirt which I tug up to run my hands over his bare, smooth skin. His hands, too, brush under my dress, rip open the zipper of it hastily. It slips of of me, falling to the ground. 

A shiver runs down my spine as his hand grips to my shoulder so coldly, the other one undoing my bra. He hesitates, takes a moment to run his hands down my back, intensifying my goose bumps. 

It almost feels admiring, how he slightly presses his fingers into my tense muscles, sliding all the way down and even further again grabbing my ass tightly.

At the wince I make as the pulling pain of him grabbing me hard like that shoots through me, I swear that I can feel him smiling against my shoulder, into one of the many kisses he places on it. He runs his hands back, all the way up from my ass to my shoulders, straightening his whole body, towering over me. My ragged breathing fills the room his gaze traps mine, his arms now hanging at his sides.

I'm cold without his touch, although his hands are freezing. Cold without his body pressed against mine. As if he read my mind his hands tug into my sides, pushing me backwards onto the bed. The sheets cause me to shiver again, their cold soft fabric nestling against my naked body.