The shoes, I still have them. I kept them.
Running my fingertips over their varnish inundates me with memories, with thoughts once conceived before, with old well-known emptiness, all at once.
I never gave them back to her. Why didn't I send them to her?
Why am I standing here wholly limp, my body slumped against my worn old trunk, falling apart about how empty it feels to hold these shoes in my hands? How empty it feels to be without her. She is missing.
I should have done it, like so many things, could have, should have. I should have gotten rid of her entirely, every evidence of her included. Now it is nothing but a squandered opportunity. Perhaps that would have been the thing to help me, to push me further. Further away from her.
No one could know now.
Maybe I didn't go through with it because there was a storm that night. Who would send their owl out into a storm? There was no storm most probably, what was there was hope. Yes, much more than anything it was hope, hope for yet another sign from her, for more connection.
If I would ignore her would she give up on it? Or would she write me again? I hoped. For a second letter, one I could have crumbled over just the same, ridden by rue and ache.
I hoped. Hope destroyed me. Hope destroys me.
YOU ARE READING
BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE
FanfictionWill you keep loving me, even if I'll hurt you? Will you keep loving me, even if I'll use you? Will you love me again, if I won't let go of you? -
