The Trials of Being Loved

Part 19 - Freedom, Polar Bear?

Tay placed lunch on the table and was about to go get New when he heard the noise from the bedroom and went running. Opening the door and seeing him crying on the bed broke a part of him deep inside. Quickly, he gathered him in his arms.

"Newwie, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Overwhelmed by both his dream and by the events of earlier that day, New could not hold back, "You're going to abandon me! You'll leave me, Tay!" He tried, and failed, to worm his way out of Tay's arms.

Tay only held on tighter. "I'm not going to do that, New. Never. I love you. You! The way you are. You're only like this because you don't have your medicine."

"The pills have nothing to do with it. You proved it with your own actions. You locked the door all on your own." New sobbed, keeping his back to Tay. "That was you, all you."

Tay stayed calm. "New, if I didn't lock the door, do you think the bathroom would have been cleaned or do you think we would have fucked instead?" He took a deep breath. "I know you wanted to have sex instead, but I..." He put his mouth close to New's ear and whispered softly, "I have my own set of problems too. I have to do certain things, a certain way or I can't stop thinking about it."

Tay's arms tightened even more around his shaking body. "We're human, not robots. We all have issues, babe. Every one of us. Nobody is perfect. Not you, not me, no one is. There are only shells."

"That's what I am, Tay, a shell." New felt the slackening of his hold and used it to break free. He wiped his tear stained face and turned to face him from the safety of several feet away. "How can I be in any relationship like this? I know I want to be, but it always turns out like this."

He got off the bed and started to walk away. "Always, I'm too greedy, too needy. I'm set aside like yesterday's garbage. It doesn't matter how big you become. I thought, if the public wants me, that's good enough but it isn't. I only need one person. But the fans, they don't want that."

"So here I am, stuck in a never ending hell of my own creation." The bedroom door shut behind him softly. To Tay, it was the most ominous sound in the world. 

"I'm going to find that bastard and kill him." Tay whispered, standing to follow, when the door was flung open.

"Why do you do such nice things when I'm not deserving of them? I hate you!" New stood in the doorway, tears standing in his eyes. He slammed the door shut again and Tay heard the bathroom door bang shut after it. 

Now what to do? Taking a deep calming breath, he went out into the common area and didn't see anything strange, only the table set for lunch. Since they both loved food, he had cooked up many dishes for this meal, seeing as it was their last full day together. During cooking it, he had constantly reminded himself that guilty feelings had not played a part in it.

Was it the meal? The table setting? He had changed the place settings so that this meal, they sat side by side, instead of across, hoping to feed Newwie tasty morsels. 

He walked to the bathroom and sat outside the bathroom door. "New, what's wrong? Talk to me, please?"

"No! Go away!"

"Where? There's no where to go." Tay felt like laughing but knew it would be wrong. 

"I hate you!"

"They say hate is the flip side of love, so I think you mean you love me." Tay kept his tone reasonable.

New hit the door. "I mean I hate you!"

Now Tay laughed. "I mean I love you. Why're you so angry, Newwie?"