The Trials of Being Loved

Part 32 - Orca Education

Softly, New whispered, "I'm deeply sorry for telling you that it's a mental health issue, Tay, when I have Bipolar Disorder, with a side order of manic depression. It is a..."

"Would you repeat that, New? Please?" Tay interrupted, leaning so far forward that New thought he was going to fall on the floor.

He quickly looked back down at his hands, now tightly intertwined to stop the constant fidgeting. He took a deep sigh, and said a little louder, "Bipolar Disorder. My diagnosis." He waited this time for questions, since his nicely prepared speech had gone to the wayside. 

Tay simply nodded, and looked at him. "And?"

"What?" New's eyes met his for the first time. Tay's were bold, and clear, but what New SAW was challenging. They scared him. He scooted far back in his chair. "What do you mean, And?"

"And so you have bipolar with a side order of manic depression. From what I read online, some days are incredible, highs like never before, some are bad, and you always deal with depression. Did I miss anything?" Tay shrugged. "And?"

New stared at him. "How do you know all this?"

"You slept for 16 hours straight in my bed, Newwie! Wouldn't talk to me, hid out in my shower, cried because I locked a door. This isn't average behaviour." Tay read that there was no 'normal' people, only people, and being average, not normal was what they strived to be. "Then you asked for the medication. I'm not stupid. I looked up what it's used for." 

Tay shrugged, "It's commonly used to treat depression, but depression isn't just depression, is it. So I looked at all them. Did you know that mental health was different than mental disorders?" He looked at New, who had very wide eyes. "All of them, New, and all of them have depression listed as a side effect. I can learn, Newwie."

Those eyes saw right through him, dealing with it so blandly. He wanted to curl up and die! This was more embarrassing than being found on the floor! This was his damn life he was discussing as if it was nothing more than a pimple on his ass! 

A mere irritation, something that could be dealt with easily! What the fuck does he know? What did he learn? New drew in a deep breath, kept his eyes down and gave a short nod, "I felt as if I lied to to you. You needed to hear it from me. Well, there you have it."

New stood up and gave a bow. "Thank you." Turned, and went to leave, stopping dead at Tay's next words. 

"Running again? It's what you do best, isn't it, New?" Unlike every other time New had heard that phrase from him, this time there was nothing. No emotion, nothing to give any hint as to how he felt. 

Slowly he turned around and looked at him, really looked at him for the first time. This wasn't just about him, when Tay uttered those two words, it made him realize he'd never really considered him a part of either the problem or the solution. 

I've been thinking that it's all about me! I've been a selfish little brat! I can still save him! He blinked, his eyes still wide and sank back down, mouth slightly parted. "You can do better than me, Tay. Damaged goods are always discounted." He bit his bottom lip. "I'm not worth it."

Oh fuck! I screwed up! Tay's eyes shifted color... instantly. New had seen that before. His flight instinct kicked in and his whole body tensed. He opened his mouth to yell but Tay was faster, smothering all sounds with a kiss. 

~~~~~~~~~~

How dare he! How dare he dump all this bullshit on me, not let me speak and then run away! Tay felt the frustration and anger building with every sentence New spoke. It was harder and harder to hold himself back, but he did.