The Trials of Being Loved

Author's Note

I have become used to putting my notes at the end of the story, but this one, well, it needed it at the beginning. Lord, where to start? I honestly don't know... It's been a hell of a ride and one I am still not sure I have done it justice, or even if I should have tried. 

I adore this ship. Actually, I LOVE Newwie's visuals, the way he looks on screen. You know, there are a few actors like that (I won't go into names - we all have our preferences) and for me, Newwie, is one of them. I knew it way back from Waterboys, and Sotus days. There was just something that caught my eye and I kept watching Sotus for peeks of him (even though I couldn't stand Krist and his cringing acting - sorry, SingtoKrist fans, again, personal preferences, it didn't take away from the story, just diminished the enjoyment of the viewing for me.)

You see, I HAD seen Kiss and really didn't pay much attention to him, so minor was his role. It was when they released Waterboys AND Sotus almost at the same time, and you know how you get that niggling feeling in the back of your mind, "Hey? I know you from somewhere?" Well, that was Newwie.  I started to pay attention. 

But then... MaxTul broke the BL world with Together With Me in 2017 and that kissing scene... and the whole industry changed. From a live action remake in Japan of Takumi-kun, The Series in December of 2007 to the Love of Siam in 2009. Oh, God, I remember waiting and waiting hours for bootleg downloads and praying that they would have subtitles! Sitting in AOL or ICQ chatrooms, talking with bilingual peeps, hoping someone could translate for me! Youtube made content easier when Lovesick and other dramas were on, but we still waited weeks for subs (thanks to you all who did them! God, I miss your comments!) Suddenly, from 2017, BL began to go mainstream and we weren't "rotten girls" any longer, buying our manga from Japan or looking for "art films" online anymore and my heyday that began so long ago was finally over.

It was time to put that part of my life to bed. But as someone who was so isolated, I wasn't ready. I NEEDED my fujoshi outlet. I needed my worldwide connection!

As someone who has been watching anything with gay/LGBT+ since the late 1980's, I almost (almost, I said) felt violated. Here were these babies trying to change what my generation fought so hard to draw, sell, make a market for! We finally found studios willing to do live action adaptations of our favorite authors and they were... what? 

Thinking all actors were gay in real life? Thinking the actors were couples? Using words I'd never heard before like ships, delulu and others... I had to go back to school (thank you, internet) and learn all new stuff once again, thereby realizing it wasn't a WESTERN idealism, but a fan based EASTERN one. 

 Welcome to a fanfiction that I've been working on for... 

FOREVER! 

No, seriously, I began this way back in February of 2021. My god, I just realized that it's close to TWO whole years! It kept being put on the back burner because, to me, the ship of Tay and New, although it has it's ups and downs, never really set sail. It has always fascinated me, because as friends, they work brilliantly together. I do not see them together sexually but could it be done?

Therefore, could I, with my imagination picture them having that type of relationship? It was an interesting challenge for my limited brain cells. You know, all this ice and snow can slow down all the activity happening in your brain. Now, when you add in the number of pot smokers you run into, well... those brain cells decrease even further!

Poor Newwiee... He has a lot of delulu toxic fans. He has faced numerous death threats for having a normal social life. I mean, just because his job is being a BL actor does not mean his sexual orientation is. What's wrong with fucking who you want? So he posts a picture of a woman on IG? Is it really a girl he's fucking? So what if he doesn't want to be alone for the rest of his life? No one does.