The Trials of Being Loved

Part 31 - Determined Polar Bear

New realized the medication was working when he didn't "nest". He was angry, upset, but nary a tear fell. He paced, he wanted to smash every dish in the place, but he didn't. 

He picked up the cell phone and put it down for what felt like the millionth time, debating with himself over calling his psychologist. That felt like admitting defeat, that he was indeed nothing more than a complete loss as a human being. 

New hid, crawling into the bathroom, turning off the light and sitting in the quiet, dark room, letting his thoughts go round and round, until he was ready to scream aloud. It didn't work the way it normally did. He never fell asleep! 

Wide awake, he stormed out of what was usually his secondary safe space and almost ran to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, twisting the cap off, and gulping it back. Then, the guilt came rushing in. 

"I'm a damn idiot. I have to tell him." New rubbed his temples. "We need to talk, properly." 

Slowly, he picked up the phone and powered it on, and left a message on Ms. Tam's voice mail. New understood that she would need to hear his voice, know he was alright. He'd lied before through text messages. "Ms. Tam, I need to meet up with Tay and you need to be there. Please arrange it for me."

Exhaustion hit him then, the same as a wave crashes on the shores of a beach. Wave after wave rolled through him. New stripped where he was, walked naked to the bathroom, took a quick shower and crawled into bed, falling into the first dreamless sleep he'd had since leaving Tay.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tay woke up alone, in his bed, with another killer hangover. He wasn't sure how he got there since the last thing he remembered was drinking with Tam. Groaning, he sat up, his head pounding and creeped to the edge of his bed. He looked for his phone and didn't see it in it's usual place. 

"Fuck it." He muttered, "Shower first." Standing, he stripped and threw his clothes into the hamper. Routine was most important. Naked, he strode to the bathroom, and paused, as his reflection caught his eye. "Damn it, New, we need to talk, and soon. I look like fucking shit!" 

"You do, boy. That you do." Tam whistled softly, leaning against the door. "How fast can you get dressed?"

"Damn it!" Tay jumped, as he thought he was alone. "Wear a damn bell, Tam! What do you mean, get dressed?" He rubbed the stubble on his chin, still looking at the hollows on his face. 

"New wants to see you. I'll take you." Tam's eyes glinted with laughter as Tay pushed him out of the bathroom and firmly shut the door. "It's a little too late, you know. I saw everything already!"

"I still want my privacy!" Tay shouted back, as he turned on the water. 

The laughter was louder, as was Tam's voice. "I bet you let New say that!" With a light knock on the door, and Tay's ears burning, there was finally nothing but the sound of water running. 

"Fucking asshole." Whispered Tay, knowing he said nothing but the truth. After they had sex for the first time, New had no privacy. Tay never left him alone, especially not after he confided about his mental health problems. He was afraid he'd do something stupid. 

Still... he needed him. He missed him. He was now a part of him. As he scrubbed his body, memories of his touches, kisses, made his body react. "Fuck. I'm doomed." Quickly, he jerked one out so that he had control when he saw New. 

Toweling off, leaving the small towel around his hips, he ignored the old man on the sofa and walked to the bedroom to get dressed. Before closing the door, Tay paused, "How should I dress? To be noticed or very casual?"