Loveless Beauty (Completed)

Chapter XXII: Not Prepared for This

When I was five, I was invited to my friend's birthday party. Her parents had arranged this huge party for her fifth birthday. The decorations, cake, and gifts left me in awe. Like a little tattle tale I was, I blabbered everything to daddu. Not living a single detail. And ask him to throw a bigger party than my friend's one. 

Daddu and my enthusiasm was high on spirit on my birthday. The thought of a party bigger than my friend's had me aflated. However, my mother's absence dulled the five years old's mood. The party was, as expected, bigger and flashy. But my heart wasn’t into it. That time my daddu told me that mom had to work hard to throw such parties for me. So she couldn't come. My five year old self believed that. Also my heart ached for my mother because she had to work a lot. I felt like a nuisance for always being demanding. 
I realized that a party might be small but celebrating with your family is more important. I never asked for any birthday party after that. However, that didn't stop my mother from working hard or celebrating my birthday with me.

I stare blankly at the white ceiling in Gashmir's room at Shenoys mansion. I have been awake for the past half hour. Trying and thinking hard of the events that lead me to this state. The conversation that unfolded down the stairs left me anesthetized, desensitized. 

As I grew up, so did the distance between my mom's and I's relationship. I thought that was the need of the time, but didn't know this was my reality. Naively I was thinking that our relationship will become better sometime. It never happened. But I was patient with her.

But she hadn't shown any interest in my achievements or my failures. I thought she was busy with her duties. However, it did not come to my mind at all that she cannot be my mother. I do find it hard to believe that a mother can't be too busy to do her duty as a mother. As I rewind the past memories, it does make sense now. 

I blinked as the clicking of some foot against the floor grew closer to this room. I breathe heavily, anxious to face the truth.

It was all infront of me, still I refused to___ I don't know how to put it. I mean, I can't help but accept it. I have witnessed the confessions then how can I not believe it. All those years were enough. I will be a fool if I still resist it. However I couldn't express my feelings as I wasn't feeling anything.

Can't I go back to my mom being ignorant and not a kidnapper?! It was better that way. I was better that way. 

As the door knob twists I zeroed my eyes on the figure that entered. The firmness that he held wasn't there anymore. Was that pity he had in his eyes?! He closed the doors,  stepped towards the armchair beside the bed. His footsteps' noise was loud in this silent room but it couldn't compare to the noise that was blowing my head. Screaming for me to end this tragedy. How?! I don't know. 

He doesn't speak neither do I. We stayed in silence. I revert my attention to the ceiling and he focuses his attention in space. As the time passed the discomfort inside me grew. My emotions rushes back to me as I glare at the ceiling. Couldn't he stare in nothingness alone?! Or was it too disturbing for him that he came for my company.

Huffing, I sat up resting my back to bed's headboard. Throwing him another glare, I say, "is it working?!"

Daddu Shenoy turned to me, frowning but didn't speak. Ugh!! This calculator. 

"The blackhole," because he was focusing too seriously to create a blackhole out of it. But the surprise was he didn't even blink. Did he not get my joke?!