don't you go // lrh

/thirty seven/

/without u/

/amara/

I watched myself on my MacBook screen, all purple in the low light illuminated by the laptop. I waited for my designated square to turn tiny and retreat to the corner of the screen, and I almost felt taunted by the endless loop of 'boo-boo-boo-boop' ringing. I waited patiently for it to end and Luke's face would finally appear all big and pixelated.

But it didn't.

I checked the time, it should be 12 noon Luke's time. Double checking on the world clock app in case my math was wrong, I saw I was right. It felt sort of silly when I added 'Sydney' to the app. It's embarrassing to admit, but in the week since Luke went home, I made it a habit to just look at the two cities on top of each other on my phone screen.

Boston. Today. +0 hours.

Sydney. Tomorrow. +16 hours.

When Luke didn't answer my third FaceTime call, I decided to call it a night. I sent him a cringey text saying that I'll wake up early tomorrow in case he wanted to talk before he goes to bed in his corner of the world.

I decided maybe he's just still sleeping. That's totally reasonable. He's technically on a break from his job. His full time, no breaks, or weekends, or vacations job where he's basically himself for a living. And he's probably taking every opportunity available to sleep in since he won't be able to soon.

I read the text messages I missed from the groupchat with the girls.

Party tonight
Nate's lake house

I told them I'm staying in tonight.

I have an essay to write that's been needing my attention since Thanksgiving and for obvious reasons I've been distracted. Though I could put it off for one more day and make an appearance at the party, it's still a better reason than making up some fake excuse not to go. I'm having a perfectly content time mindlessly scrolling on Instagram.

I cringed at myself again.

I never thought I'd be that girl that's so easily bummed out by lack of attention from her boyfriend. But then again, I've never had a boyfriend before. So how would I know?

Still though, academic validation is one of the only things I've ever seriously cared about. Lack of Luke time shouldn't be doing this to me!

In attempt to give myself an intervention, I get up out of bed, grab my laptop and school supplies, and force myself down the stairs. I was so distracted by my unanswered calls I didn't even realize Cat was outside my bedroom, clawing at the glass on the doors trying to get in. Who knows how long she's been there?

"Come on you." I mumble, nodding at the staircase.

As soon as my Louis Vuitton fur slipper hits the stop step, my mom appears in the foyer, making me stop dead in my tracks.

"Going out?" She asks, hands on her hips.

Weirdly, since she spent time with all the boys she's been even more eager for me to go out. It's bizarre. And seriously concerning.

"Uh, no." I trot down the rest of the stairs and feel her hot on my trail as I find myself in the breakfast nook.

"No?" She goes into the fridge, turns some of the kitchen lights on.

"Nope." I put my bag with my books down on the cushioned bench, and my laptop on the table.

"Nate's having a small get together at the lake house. You should go! See your friends, you know, do senior year things." She starts pulling out the works for a cheese board, placing all the ingredients on the kitchen island.