don't you go // lrh

/three/

/celebrity skin/

/amara/

Towards the end of every show we like to take a bunch of Polaroids and pictures with one of the many disposable cameras we bought during our trip.

It's kind of the moment we all remember how grateful we are to be here, breathing the same air as the people who basically saved our lives by bringing us together.

The assholes who bullied me when I was growing up, the people who still judge me to this day and I'm forced to go to school with them, even the trolls on Twitter, none of it matters right now.

And all I seem to do lately is make my parents upset and angry. Nothing I do is enough. No A+ on a paper, no winning score in a field hockey game. Nothing. If I'm not doing exactly what they want, when they want, then I'm the worst daughter in the world.

And they never cease to remind me of that.

But all of that is washed away in this moment. They can't get to me here. And I can forget.

It's not important when I'm dancing at a concert with my friends while it rains confetti.

"Aw Maddie! Don't cry." Jesse says, but she's already close to crying herself.

"The ice queen has a heart, confirmed!" I joke, teasing her for her internet username.

I'm in the middle of shaking one of our Polaroids when I feel a semi familiar tap on my shoulder, exactly the same as the one I felt an hour or so ago. I nearly forgot it happened.

"Are you ready?" Rick asks.

I look over to Maddie and Jesse, they both nod furiously. They spent the whole time since we saw him last, giving me a list of pros and cons.

Needless to say, there is no cons.

"You sure? We can stay?" I shout, not wanting to make them miss the end of our last show.

"Let's go! It's only two songs. We'll see them again soon!" Jesse encourages me, and I hug them both.

"I don't know." I say, insecurity speaking for me.

"Remember, going out with a bang, Santini. This is the ultimate way to go out." Maddie agrees.

After that, Rick hands me and my friends some real ear plugs, apparently the screaming gets more and more intense the further you get from the stage. He leads us away from the crowd, through these doors, and into the back of the stadium. We follow him into some sketchy, concrete hallway, that's actually quiet once the doors slam shut.

"You ladies okay?" He asks motioning toward me and the girls shoes, and we nod.

"Because we can get a golf cart." He offers.

"Nah, we're good Ricky." Maddie answers, already comfortable.

I want to ask where he's taking us, but I'm afraid to speak. If I start I just won't stop. How long will I have to wait for Harry or any of the other four boys really to come out? Will we be allowed to cry? Take photos? Tell our friends?

All these questions are running though my head and then we stop at one of many blue doors.

"He's in there." he says and I furrow my eyebrows.

"He?" I repeat.

We couldn't have possibly walked through two songs and a good bye speech could we? Unless we did. I don't know, my heads all fuzzy from the noise. Oh and wondering whether this is a dream or not. That too.