don't you go // lrh

/twenty six/

/halfway/

/amara/

I picked up where I left off on online school and suddenly the time began to fly by. Suddenly it was nearing the middle of October.

We went to the DMV and I passed the test with flying colors. We went to the dealership and they got me an early birthday present. Next years sleek black Mercedes Benz. I took my pre-SAT. Started fall finals week. The Ivy League applications started coming in the mail.

L.A and boys in bands and fancy hotel rooms suddenly seemed so far away. I was back in it. My life. Real life. Every mundane part of it.

I looked out at the grey through the kitchen windows. It's cloudy in the yard. Dewey. The leaves on the tree next to the playhouse are red. And orange. And mostly on the ground. Summer felt like a lifetime ago.

My mom came home with Nate's mom, Lily, after a shopping day. I guess the cold weather prompted them to have lunch here. They hit the boutiques and showed me their haul in case I had any opinions.

I was mostly focused on the trigonometry study guide I was working on in the breakfast nook. That's right. I actually left my room. I chimed in here and there, complimenting their purchases.

They started talking about potential caterers for my 'small birthday get together' that just keeps getting bigger by the day. They're talking about the potential flower arrangements and center pieces. Yes. Pieces. Plural. Small my ass.

"Well? Wild flowers seems like a fun idea right Amara?" Mom asks.

"Yeah. Sure."

I'm aware I've said those words to everything she's asked me. I'm scared to tell her I don't want a party. It's all she's been talking about. She keeps saying it'll get my mind off everything but I think that's what it's doing for her.

She's the only person more embarrassed than me. She was worried about what all this would say about her and dad's parenting style. What it would say about dad's label. His friendship with Feldmann.

She's been in damage control mode. If people come it'll only be because of that paparazzi disaster and all the gossip. I know that.

But I think the way she sees it, throwing a fancy party will show everyone it was a one time thing. I'm not a rebel. I'm still good little Amara and still eligible for a wealthy marriage. Still on the path set out for me no longer kicking and screaming.

But I still don't wanna see anyone. Or be seen. I don't want to be hammered with questions or unsolicited opinions. Since I got my phone back it's been harder to hide from it all. Sometimes I can't help it. I have to take a peek.

"Or. We can just decide later." Mom shrugs.

She eventually kicks me out of the kitchen so they can get to work on lunch and she doesn't want me getting any of my homework papers dirty.

As I'm climbing up the stairs they remind me Nate's coming over soon. It's mom code for put on pants that don't stretch. Maybe a little blush.

Over the last few weeks it became clear my other friends parents think I'm a bad influence. They think the whole 5sos thing was all my doing. They accused us of being with them the entire summer. And because it didn't look like the ban was gonna be lifted any time soon, Nate started sneaking in way more than cigarettes and candy.

Maddie and Jesse climb through my bedroom windows behind him at least once a week now.

They bring records and cd's and cool books as often as possible. Magazines too. Fashion magazines strictly.