Angel in disguise (Angelo sotto copertura)

Thirty Six.

Xavier Alaric DeSantio

Defeat.

I felt defeated; a failure.

I couldn't save her. I broke the promise I made to her and to myself. I loved her more than ever when I lost her. I waited for 4 and a half fucking years, and when I finally got her, she left me. My mother was right. I did not despise her. I could never hate her; it was love at first sight, but because of my father the only emotion I ever felt was hatred. I loathed everything and everyone except my family. The love for my family was the only thing that I wanted and bared. The rest was all bullshit to me. My mind and body revolved around hate. I kept deceiving my mind that my feelings towards her were all false, were all part of the fucking plan. I denied my love for her. I told myself that our first kiss was something that I regretted, however it was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I never even got the time to tell her that it was the best decision I've ever made, for myself. She was the light to my darkness. There was hope of filling the void space in my soul, and she filled it. But, it's all gone now. The emptiness was back. The darkness once filled with light was now darker than ever.

After all, pain is the award of love and love is the reward of pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'You did not show up to the funeral.' Theo walked in with Kyle, Mason, Elijah and Axel following him.

'Is that a question or a statement?'

'Why?'

'Because I didn't want to.' I shrugged. 'No one and I mean not a single fucking soul will get to know about what happened to Felicity.'

'For how long will you keep it hidden?'

'For as long as I can.'

'And what will you get from doing that? You do realize we had a fucking funeral for her and word in the mafia spread like a fucking wildfire?'

'Blood. Blood of all the people that caused this.'

'Are you forgetting that you were also a part of the reason of her death?' I snapped my head towards Kyle. 'Are you fucking forgetting that you were the one who deceived her? Do you-,' I threw the vodka bottle in my hands across the fucking room, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. I got up trying not to trip because of my hazy state and walked across the room to Kyle.

'I lost the love of my life Kyle Denario.' His eyes widened for a fraction of seconds. 'I would never hurt her deliberately, you know that. I'll say this again for the hundredth time; I know that the way I approached the situation was fucking wrong, but I never wanted it to end it in this way. I wanted to get her back the moment she was snatched, but you all stopped me from doing that.' I blamed myself for her death from the second I heard those words from the doctor. I know that I'm the reason of her death, and I know the pain she had to go through was because of me; I just can't show my thoughts to everyone else. I don't want to hear words of pity from people, and most of all I don't want to look weak in front of them.

'Kyle just shut the fuck up. You're not the only one who lost her. We lost her as well.' Mason spoke, stepping in between us. I released my grip on Kyle's throat and walked back to my seat.

'If we tell the world that Felicity Rose Alexander is no more, they will stop their efforts of looking for her. We still want Marcello Alexander to carry on conducting his meetings with Martine and other mafia Dons. Therefore, we keep her death a secret until we're able to.'

'And we're carrying on with the plan?'

'Definitely. Kyle I need you to find the location as soon as possible; we don't have much time, but before that I want you guys to rest. We're going to need the rest for the next few days.' Everyone nodded and slowly emptied the room.

'And you, you need to stop drinking.' Theo cautiously took the new vodka bottle from my hand. I growled at him showing my disagreement.

'Get used to it Theo. You're going to see me do that more frequently.'

'How would that fix anything?'

'Numbness. It will help me feel numb. Valentino is not here to do that, so might as well do it myself.'

'Do you realize what shit you're going to put Viviana in, by doing all this? You have a fucking family to take care of Xavier. You have a goddamn empire to run. I don't want to see you in the state you saw me.' We locked eyes and had a short stare down. After a good five minutes, I sighed and looked down at my hands. They were filled in blood. Blood of too many people, innocent and of the guilty. 'It was not your fault. You-,'

'I don't want to hear it.'

'Does it look like I fucking care? I'm still going to say whatever I want.' I groaned at his cockiness. 'You did whatever you could to bring her back. You can't stop death no matter what. You can't prevent death.'

'IT WAS MY FUCKING FAULT.' I roared. 'DON'T TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE.'

'Stop blaming yourself for something that was not your fault. The unnecessary guilt and blame will eat you up Xavier. Marcello would've taken her back even if you weren't in the picture. She would've died even if you saved her earlier than possible. You can't carry the liability of this whole thing because the damage wasn't done by you. What you can do, is take revenge.'

'Revenge,' I repeated the word countless number of times in my head with a sly smirk.

(A/N) Thank you so much for this @weeeeeeee28 :)