MAKNAE [twd]

【64】

How could I feel so safe and vulnerable at the same time?

How could a simple movement, a mere touch that connected me to him make me feel like my entire life had built up to this moment? That everything I'd gone through, every person I met, every word I said was only a glimmer in time that was preparing me for this.. for him?

At the same time, how could a simple action make me forget all of that happened? Where had I been? Where was I now? Who was I? What was my own name?

Him on the other hand.. Everything was so easy, like recalling his being was an instinct to me.

Taeyang.. Choi Taeyang who lived in Florida and had a loving family. A mother and father he spoke so dearly about, a brother who's selflessness wore off on him, a grandmother who left her own mark on me. He was strong, levelheaded, gentle.. and for me, so addictive. So safe.

A survivor in the hell of a world we had to live in now. A fighter who kept not only himself alive, but others that he saved himself or provided for with the runs he always volunteered to go on. He was a moving piece that kept the entire group working- no one could ever fill his space.

When did we meet? How long had it been? I couldn't remember- it felt like he was always there. Or at the very least, I was always waiting for him.

Who was I before him? Was there really a time of my life without him? The thought was horrifying.

Blinking my eyes open, Taeyang exhales as his eyes flutter open as well. The brightest sun with millions of galaxies- he was a force of nature defying laws of the world with his existence. Nothing would ever compare..

He makes a noise, my ears were ringing and drumming from the sound of my heart that had somehow resided there instead of my chest.

I spoke two languages fluently, enough of a third to get by.. Why weren't any of those words working now?

Taeyang rests his forehead on mine, pulling his lips into a tight line to keep down a smile. My own were still lightly parted, maybe stuck like that forever out of shock and amazement. Why was my entire body tingling? What spell did he put on me? Did his touch paralyze me?

"Tyang.." I weakly breathe out, though my words had no direction.

I swear I had a thought a second ago.. What was it?

My head felt dizzy, probably a mix of the breath he stole and my heart that changed course to stay there instead of where it belonged. So, when Taeyang's hand moved from my back to my cheek, pulling my lips against his for the second go, the room spun with the motion as well.

Soft.. So tender.. So sweet.. Is this what I'd been missing out on? How could this kiss, or the prior one, make every hug or hand holding feel so weak in comparison?

Better yet, why was I asking so many questions?

Pulling my arm around his shoulders, I sink into the kiss more only to feel the smallest smile of his against my lips. Our hands that were once interlocked release, his going to my back as mine finds salvage in his hair.

Closer, more, anything to never let this end. Anything to make up for lost time we'd robbed ourselves of.

Were we moving? Doesn't matter. No more questions, Hana.

As my back gently lands flush against the wall, I get the answer to my question anyway. Taeyang takes advantage of the wall's stability, his weight pressed more against mine. Stuck between the hard wall and Taeyang's chest- a positive connotation from rock and a hard place. This was the place I needed to be- wanted to be.