MAKNAE [twd]

【105】

My jacket stuck to me and I cringe in pain as I finally get it off and toss it onto the floor. There, my shirt showed the pain and wounds I wasn't aware of. Looking over my shoulder, I could see that the gravel left more cuts and scrapes on my back than just my arms. I wasn't sure just how many or where exactly, but there were many little speckles of blood staining through my shirt.

I notice Negan's ascot poking out from my waistband- the bright red a big comparison to my light gray shirt. Picking it up, I stare at the material like it was the man himself.

The anger flows back through my veins as I recall the day in my head. The words, the threats, just how close I was to ending him.. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, I was beginning to think more clearly.

I ball the fabric up, setting it on the back of the sink. With the material in mind, I ease my hand to my back pocket, retrieving the photo. Again, I don't look at it- not yet. I only place it underneath the ascot to keep it hidden from my eyes until I was ready again.

Just until I was ready.

I stare at my reflection for a minute, wondering how I got here. 

Months ago, I was surprised to see how clean I looked when we got to Alexandria. How much I'd grown and changed.

Now.. Now, I was only surprised to see how tired I looked. How angry I looked. How sad I looked.

All because of Negan.

--

I stuff the red material into my bag so no one else would see it. Pulling out the old zip lock bag, I sit on the couch before opening it.

Jim's dying words to me, Deanna's dying words to me.. And Glenn's letter to comfort me when I was lost all those years ago.

'Hana, don't be scared. Oppa will find you.'

My hands shake and I felt the need to cry. But, after earlier, there was nothing left for me to cry out. Then again, I'd done so much crying the past few days I wondered if I would ever be able to cry again.

We'd been granted three trailers to share now between myself, Taeyang, Maggie, Jae, Ben, Jessie, Enid, Sasha, Julie, James, Tara, and eventually Daryl.

Maggie, Enid, and I had our own trailer. Sasha, Tara, Julie, and Jessie had one. Taeyang, Jae, Ben, and Daniel (who was still in the infirmary) shared. Daryl opted for sleeping outside.

I place the letters and picture into the bag before I stand up, wrapping my bag around my shoulder. Maggie and Enid were already fast asleep, so I tip toe toward the door, carefully opening the door and closing it behind me just as quiet.

I didn't see Daryl around, so I couldn't help but scope the area. Then, I finally spot him sitting at the top of the walls alongside Eduardo.

I keep my head down, eyes on the ground as I walk through the dark Hilltop- I wasn't sure what time it was, maybe near morning now. Eventually through the dark, I find the clearing, stopping at the edge. That's when I finally looked up, eyes falling onto Glenn's grave.

With a breath, a take the rest of the steps forward until I make it beside the grave. Easing to my knees, I pull my bag off from around me, shuffling through it quickly before pulling the old music player out. I place one bud in my own ear before laying down on my back, using my bag as my pillow.

I ease the other bud toward Glenn's grave before pressing for the music to start.

Looking up to the sky- the stars brighter than ever, I rest my hand on the edge of the dirt.

"Oppa, I'm back," I whisper, "I made it back."

--

A hand on my shoulder pulls me awake.