MAKNAE [twd]

【81】

"When I was five I remember you coming to Seoul. You said something about it being a long time since you'd been there, but everything looked the same. It was cold outside so we had to play inside. Angela thought it would be a good idea to play jegichagi and we made our own jegis to play with. But, you made yours out of rocks instead of coins and broke dad's computer. He didn't get mad, he just made you a better one. He said he threw the rock one away, but he kept it in a drawer."

"When I was ten, I went to Atlanta for the first time. You just graduated from high school and dad was trying to talk you into coming home so you could get into a good college in Seoul. But, you said you had to make a life for yourself. That's when mom said that she and Tina were moving to Michigan. But, you still said you wanted to stay in Atlanta so the three of you would be splitting up. Dad didn't like that- he worried that you would feel lonely. But, he didn't tell you that."

"On that same trip, you brought me to my first zoo. I always wanted to go to one in Seoul, but dad couldn't take off work long enough to spend all day in a zoo. We walked through the whole park but we stayed in the aquarium longer because I liked all the fish and you were excited over a squid named 'Naruto'. I think at the time that was the longest amount of time we had spent together just between us."

"One time, we were on video chat and it was really late at night for you. You ended up falling asleep and Angela took pictures of the screen because you were drooling. She said you were still her little brother she always knew and laughed."

"I don't remember anything from the trip when I was two. Dad said that it was on your eleventh birthday and it was the first birthday all six of us were together. It was the only one, too. He said that you were feeding me icing even though they told you not to and so I ended up staying awake the whole plane ride back to Seoul."

"The last time you came to Seoul was on grandfather's birthday. I was around nine so you were.. eighteen? Me, you, and Tina ended up being late to going inside because we were outside. Tina was in college trying to get her degree so she could start teaching. Since it was winter break, she was using me and you as her 'test dummies' and giving us a pop quiz. I was nine and still got a better grade than you."

I rest my head against the board of the guard tower with a sigh. Even though I was sitting down, I could see the walkers below me. It was still fairly dark as the sun was just now coming up but, I could see them so clearly. Even if I couldn't see them, I could easily hear them- smell them, too.

I bring the radio back up to my mouth, pressing the button to continue speaking.

"When I was thirteen, you brought Angela and I to your work place to meet your boss that had been helping you out. It was fun seeing how different your life was compared to ours. But, I still felt bad because you struggled so much.. Two days after that, you and I were jumping into the back of a van with a man named 'T-Dog' and a man named 'Jim'."

"I don't know exactly how old I am. It's not quite summer yet, so maybe seventeen or eighteen. I lost count at the prison.. But, I'm whatever age now- sitting in the watch tower of the place we call home. Not Seoul or Atlanta with our separate, polar opposite lives.. Our home. Where I'm down the hall from you instead of seven thousand miles. You sometimes wake me up yourself instead of by a phone call when we're hours delayed. We eat dinner together every night instead of making plans to meet that end up falling through because of money or busy schedules."

"And I'm here because I'm waiting for you, oppa. Because, I know that you're alive and fighting your way back home. Home to me. Home to Maggie. Home to the baby. You probably aren't hearing this, but I still know that you remember those moments, too. I won't say to hurry. You should take your time and be smart and safe about getting back. It's a lot of travelling and a lot of walkers between us right now."