Harry Potter Character Smuts and Oneshots

G is for Goofball Moments

Sirius Black:

"I love you Sirius."

"I love me too!"

Your mentally face palm.

Remus Lupin:

We took a sharp left into the parallel isle. Fresh Produce.
"Darling, we haven't done much exercise this week. It's time for avocardio."
"What."
I look at Remus, he's smirking and holding a dark green avocado in his hand. Oh no!
"Remus, not again!"
"But I carrot a lot about my jokes!"
"Remus?"
"Oh admit it, love, you olive it."
Now his face is split with a Cheshire grin.
You ignore him and go to the fridges.
"Why did the tomato blush?"
"Nope, don't wanna hear it."
"It saw the salad dressing."
You couldn't help but crack a smile.
"You are so corny, Remus. It's a-maize-zing!"
This earns a hearty chuckle form the man.
"It's a bit hot in here, love, why don't you take off your cloves?"
"Remus,"you exclaim,"we're in public!"
"Oh don't go bacon my heart!" Remus clasps his hand over his heart.
I let out a giggle.
"Geez Louise, Remus, what's with the dad jokes?"
"Oh, you know, just practicing."
"Wait...What!"

Severus Snape:

Severus pushes the black door inwards, a spine chilling creak emanating from the stiff hinges. Wands in hand, we prepared for the worse.

"Shit, we're gonna die." I whisper.

"Shh, I don't want to hear a negative attitude. Look on the bright side."

"Woooo! We're gonna die!"

Lucius Malfoy:

"Fuck you, Malfoy."I exclaim looking down at the spilt ice crewman Lucius made me drop.

"Oh, I will, Malfoy."

Draco Malfoy:

"Do you know why the Tyrannosaurus rex species can't clap their hands?" Draco asks, staring at me intently.

"Ummm, because their hands were too short?" I answered, though more liked asked.

"WRONG! Because they're  dead!"

Bill Weasley:

"Don't go bacon my heart." I sang as I scooped the frying eggs out of the pan.

"Couldn't if I fried." Bill sings while turning the sizzling bacon.

Molly stares at the two from the kitchen table.

"Merlin! There's two of em!"

Fred Weasley:

"Hay, Freddie!" I called.

"Yes, my love, my angel, my sunshine, my queen?"

"Do you think..."

"All the time. I'm a fabulous thinker."
He says with a smirk.

"What? No! That's not what I meant. Do you think..."

"Yeppp?" Fred says, popping the 'p'.

"Fred, stop it! I'm trying to ask you something." I say, exasperated.

"Ask away, my darling."

I huff, squinting my eyes at him.

"Thank you."

"Welcome!"

"Fred! Urgh! Now I forgot what I was going to say. Dammit!"

George Weasley:

We lay in our new bed, in our new bedsheets, in our new house. George and I lay facing each other,our foreheads gently pressed together, soft smiles framing our mouths. I could hear the soft 'lub-dub' of George's heartbeat, see every light brown freckle on his pale skin, smell his cologne. We looked into each other's eyes. George's caramel swirls entrapping me.
Suddenly, a familiar pressure builds from behind my nose, I quickly tilt my head downwards and sneeze.
At the same time, George's body bounces off the bed, sending him over the edge, quite literally. I hear a muffled thump from the floor along with a curse.
Surprised for a moment, I look up to see an empty bed.

"George?"

A muffled,"Yes!" sounds.

"Oppppsies!"I exclaim, before helping poor George onto the bed.

Neville Longbottom:

I watched Neville's back as he squatted on his heels, leaning over to attend to his potted plants. His back ripples through the strained T-shirt when he reached over to water the viridian plant right at the back. I walked slowly, quietly towards him, eyes on my target. Zeroing I'm on his neck, I ran my freezing fingers across the back of his neck. Neville let out a girlish scream and attempted to jump up. Instead he toppled over and landed face first into the wet soil.