Falling for Death

Reason

Harper

A movie played on my laptop, me and Ace were laying on my bed, in each other's arms. We still had a lot to talk about but right now we needed a break from everything.

There was obvious tension surrounding us, we ignored it.

I rested my head against his chest while he played with my hair and wasn't really paying attention to the movie, lost in thought. And someone had to break the silence.

"Ace?" he hummed in response.

"Are you alright?"

"I should be asking you that."

"Answer me." he kissed my head.

"Yes I'm alright."

"Then I'm alright." he chuckled and turned off my computer.

"Be honest with me."

"I was."

"Don't lie Harper."

"Fine. No I'm not, is that what you wanted to hear?" he stiffened.

"Tell me what's wrong, I'll fix it." I don't think he could fix this. Nobody could. At this point, my life to me, felt like there was no purpose anymore.

Well now, I felt slightly less miserable about it. He's here with me and everything's going to be okay. I had to keep reminding myself that.

I gathered up enough mental strength and tried my best to explain my feelings to him.

"Sometimes I feel empty, numb and it doesn't go away no matter how hard I try. I thought leaving was my best option but it wasn't." he nodded in understanding.

He's a good listener.

"What happened that day?" he cautiously asked, careful to not trigger anything.

"I just remembered coming home and feeling alone. Empty yet overwhelmed after everything that happened and I had this sudden wave of guilt. I felt guilty that I was okay while Elliot and my mom were at the hospital."

"I thought I'd lost them so I decided I- I decided I would go with them so I grabbed the pills from my mom's cabinet and yeah." I paused.

"I'm sorry, that probable doesn't make any sense."

"I understand that more than you think Harper and no one should ever feel like that, especially not you."

"To feel alone?"

"Yes that and guilty that you survived while someone else suffered. I completely understand that."

"I wish I could go back in time and stopped you. I wish I could've been there for you." he continued.

"There's nothing you could've done Ace. I'm okay now, it's in the past." I told him, "I came back."

Deep down, I wasn't so sure if I was.

"If you didn't. I would've went to hell to drag you back up here." I laughed.

"I would've went to heaven, can't say the same about you though." he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Says you?" I scoffed.

"Yeah says me." He chuckled and pulled me closer to him.

"I seriously don't know what I would've done if you didn't wake up. How could I live without you?"

"You would've managed."

"No. I wouldn't have." I sighed, my heart both leaped and broke at his words.