Silent Cry

CH22 - Tears

Gabbie's POV

The morning light from my window was my constant alarm clock but not this morning. I felt something sore and heavy below my blanket and that's when I was brought back to reality. In just a second after that, all the happenings last night, one after one, run through my mind. Every detail was very lucid and every feeling remains on me being the pain as the most haunting.

I moved my head to see the empty space on the other side of my bed as well as the noiseless and neat surroundings of my room as if everything is accustomed. It's the same morning I wake up to, the same color, the same interior...I am the only one who's not anymore the same.

I tried to lift my legs but with every move, the ache intensifies and I couldn't do anything but endure it and climb down the bed still covered with the whole blanket because I am dirty naked. I stood up and noticed the bloodstain on the bed covering. The last night's havoc appeared vivid once more. My heart sinks as if drowned in a deep dark pit. I still find it hard to breathe.

Step by step, I trudged the way to the bathroom. I should at least clean myself, though there is no amount of soap that could wash away my filthy experience.

I can do this. I can make this. I am brave.

Arriving at my bathroom felt such a success after walking like a smudged snail. I quickly took off my blanket and rushed to the tub behind the blinds only to find out that it is already filled with water with aromatic bubbles.

Perhaps the maids prepared this. Did they know what happened last night? For a second I felt so embarrassed. But I cannot let that take over me. I hurriedly soaked myself in the tub and somewhat felt refreshed. I am doing fine. I will continue to do fine.

As I scrub my body, every inch of my skin brings it all back again and again that I want to just knock my head down. How can I ever forget at least a second of it? I was ruined in the most inconsiderate way possible.

I went outside after half an hour of cleaning an invisible injury. I still walk at the same speed but I still made it outside and sigh the deepest upon reviewing the wholeness of my room. My nighty and underwear are now on the laundry basket. The window is now open to let in a garden-fresh blow from the outside though I clearly remember how I sealed that window last night. There was no such trace of disorderly here. I noticed too just now a bowl of breakfast porridge and a pot of tea placed on my bedside table.

But not a single thing is comforting me at the moment. My heart is getting heavier with every object I see in this room. I don't even want to have a look at my room. I hate this place now. I hate everything. This room witnessed my misfortune and I feel so ashamed.

A tear fell down from my eyes and they start to follow each other such that a leaking faucet. I cried hopelessly on the floor. I cried and cried and I wish this would somehow lessen my torment. Please let my pain flow away with my tears.

.

I didn't go out the whole day because I am conscious to see people. The maids will notice my way of walking and I don't want to bother or worry them. I stayed here sitting at the edge of my newly-changed sheets. I made the work of changing everything even my pillowcase. The maids knocked three times though, offering me lunch and snacks. I just received those with my smile feigning happiness. It's not new to them that I don't go out so I had fewer issues explaining my silence.

The time ticked too fast or maybe because I was not in the real world for a long time. I just realized that the sun is already setting. I should switch my lights on. Yes, I should stand up and do that.

Get yourself together.

I strolled the space towards the switch and attained the simplest action I could do this day. For the hundredth time, I sigh. As I was going back to the edge of the bed to sit and fly my mind somewhere, my phone rang and I swear that made me jump in perturb.