It's Our Secret

Chapter 10 - Reuniting

It was time for international break, which meant all the lionesses were coming together. The little trio would be reunited - me, Millie and Rachel. I hadn't seen much of Rachel recently, and I know she was excited to see both Millie and me again. Lionesses camp also meant that I would have to see Leah. Leah Williamson. The girl who just single handedly broke my already fragile heart a week earlier. Well, possibly an exaggeration, but definitely wasn't easy.

When we got to camp, I ended up rooming with Georgia, who was my normal go to roomie for international periods.
"Stanway!" I said, embracing her in a hug as we arrived at camp.
"Walshie!" She replied back.

We settled into our room, and went down for tea before we had our first training the next day. Due to covid, we weren't playing any matches against other countries, but rather, we had an England vs England game planned, in which Phil would split the squad in half, and we would play against one another.

As we walked into the dining room, I saw her. I saw Leah. She was chatting and smiling, with Keira on her left and Jordan on her right. She looked up and saw me, and we caught eyes.

"Ettie!" Keira called out to me. "Come here." I shook my head and pointed to Georgia as my excuse not to go over.
"We're getting food," I called back. Georgia and I went over to the food, and she was confused.
"Is everything okay? Are you and Keira good?"
"Oh, yeah we are fine," I replied back, "I'm just hungry." I looked over again and saw Leah looking at me. I didn't want to think about it. I just needed to move on.

Thankfully, by the time Georgia and I had our food, the spots at Keira's table had already been taken, so we retreated to a table with Ella, Millie Bright, Millie Turner and Rachel.

Millie Turner and Rachel are a new couple. When Rachel broke up with Kristie, she didn't stay single for too long, finding a new relationship with Millie. This time, however, Rachel's relationship was with someone outside the NWSL, which is a first for her, and something, I think, was good for her.

"You okay?" Millie Bright asked me, as I sat down next to her.
"Yep, all okay." No one knows anything about what happened between myself and Leah, and I want to keep it that way. I don't want to hurt Leah in any way. I'm not sure how much she told Jordan, or didn't tell her.

As we sat at the table, eating our food, we were laughing and having fun. The videographer, who normally videos our training camps for the England Youtube channel came up to us, asking for a couple of words.

"Juliette?" The videographer asked me, "want to say something?"
"No, no," I replied, "Rachel does though." I shifted the attention onto Rachel, but she wasn't having it.
"Come on, Ettie, we can do it together." So, Rachel came over and sat beside me, as we talked into the camera.

"We're all really excited to be here, for this international break," Rachel started.
"Yeah, it's an exciting time for the lionesses with the Euros soon and qualifiers, and I know we're all pumped to just get back on the pitch," I added in.
"Ok, great, thanks, you two." The videographer then left, and Rachel and Millie turned to me,
"See," Millie started to say, "that wasn't too hard was it?" I shrugged, knowing it was harder than they knew. Getting in front of a camera at any point is harder than they think.

We finished dinner, and I was just glad that I was able to devour all the food. As Georgia and I were about to head up, Leah came over.
"Ett," she said to me "can we talk?" I looked at her, and felt sadness rush through my body. Georgia was confused as to why we were so secretive but didn't ask anything.
"I'm going to bed," I replied to her, "maybe later." I turned my back away, knowing that if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to hold in my emotions.
"Are you two okay?" Georgia asked me. Everyone knows that Leah and I had been friends since we were in U15s, however, Leah was always closer with Keira.
"Yeah, fine. Absolutely fine." I said this so convincingly that even I was slightly convinced. But, I knew it wasn't true. None of it was. But, who could I tell? I had no one, besides Keira, and I sure as hell, couldn't tell her.

We woke up the next morning, and the team lists were printed for England versus England. Red shirts versus white shirts.

White:
Ellen White
Nikita Parris
Chloe Kelly
Keira Walsh
Jordan Nobbs
Izzy Christiansen
Demi Stokes
Lucy Bronze (c)
Juliette Walsh
Millie Bright
Sandy McIver

Red:
Bethany England
Beth Mead
Georgia Stanway
Rachel Daly
Jill Scott
Niamh Charles
Millie Turner
Leah Williamson
Steph Houghton (c)
Alex Greenwood
Ellie Roebuck

The teams were fairly matched, and I was excited to have Keira on mine. We hadn't played together in a while, because of Covid and then me moving to Chelsea.

"Guess you got me today," I said to Keira, as we were changing into our white jerseys.
"Lucky me," Keira said, sarcastically.

I was playing in the left back, reverting back to my original position, and Lucy was my right back. It was how we normally play in England. Lucy and I are frequent starters for the team, and we always take the left and right back roles. We played together for a few years, before she moved to Lyon and we played in this formation as well.

When we went out onto the field, Lucy captained the white while Steph captained the red. It was nice being out on the pitch with my Lionesses after so long apart. Having Lucy, Keira and I being on one team, and playing with each other, felt good. Felt really good.

As we huddled before the game, Lucy gave us some words.
"Okay, girls, all we have to do is go out there, and put on our best performances. I believe in each and every one of you." We then ran out onto the pitch to start the game.

We had the first touch, and held possession. A lot of the time, I looked over to Leah, and we locked eyes. But then, I would then see Jordan running to get the ball or passing over to me, and our eyes broke apart.

As I passed it up to Keira in the midfield, she then looped it up to Ellen, who kicked it in for our first goal in the 34th minute.
"Good job!" I said to Keira, as we celebrated the goal.
"Nice assist of the assist," Keira joked back.

We restarted play, and the reds tried to retaliate. I ended up in a one on one situation with Leah, as she streamed down the midfield. She tried passing the ball, but I intercepted it, and streamed it back up to my offence. It felt weirdly satisfying. Oddly nice.

The game ended with a 1-0 victory for us. I went over to Lucy and Keira, who were discussing the game.
"I've missed you at my left back," Keira said to me, as I went over to her.
"Well, I've missed left back full stop."
"I can't believe you have ditched the left back for center back," Lucy said, laughing, "wings are always better."
"I have a newfound appreciation for the centers now though," I replied laughing.

I saw Leah walking over to us, and I didn't want to deal with it, so I said goodbye to Keira and Lucy, not drawing attention to the fact that I was leaving as soon as Leah arrived, and went over to Millie and Rachel.
"Good game girls," I said to them, sitting down on the pitch with them.
"Tight match," Rachel added.
"I'm starving!" Millie said.
"I could eat a feast," Rachel said. I couldn't. I felt sick to my stomach with nerves that the thought of food made me feel worse. My relationship with food has never been easy, and situations of stress make it worse. Ten times worse.