It's Our Secret

Chapter 12 - History

I avoided Leah for the rest of the camp, not wanting to have to talk about what had happened. For her, it probably meant nothing, but for me, it was everything. She meant more to me than I ever thought she could.

As I sat in the dining room, after finishing eating, with Georgia on my left, I saw her walk through the doors. Her hair was strapped in a high pony, and she was chuckling with Keira, as they came over to where we were sitting. Keira sat beside me, and as Leah sat down too, across the table, our eyes locked. It was only for a brief second, before I looked away.

"I need the bathroom," I said to Keira, as I got up and quickly walked away from the table. I didn't want her to follow me. I didn't want anyone to follow me. I sat, in one of the stalls, trying to think about an easy way out of this sticky situation. I could feel the food in my stomach swirling in circles and all I wanted was for it to be out of me.

"Ettie?" I heard a voice call out. It wasn't Leah's voice, however, it was Lucy's. "Are you alright?" She knocked on my stall, knowing, from historical events, what possibly could be happening.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I unlocked the door for her, as she saw me sitting on the seat, thinking.
"What happened?" She asked, genuinely concerned. Lucy has always been someone who has been there for me, and supported me. In 2015, when I was a young 18 year old going to my first World Cup, she was there for me.
"Yeah, just a lot of things," I said to her, trying not to give her too much information.
"Do you want to talk?"
"Luce," I said to her, seriously, "I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone." She looked at me, very concerned.
"Ett, it is okay to have secrets, and I will respect you, and yours, but I don't want this to turn out how it has before, okay? I need you to talk to me or Keira or someone if this is a repeat. Please." I nodded, knowing that she had a point.
"Yeah, Luce, I will." She gave me a hug, and grabbed my hand as we walked out of the bathroom together.

As I sat back down next to Keira, I could feel Leah's eyes on me. I could feel her wanting to catch my stare, but I couldn't, and I didn't.

Georgia and I retreated back to our rooms, after dinner, and sat together watching the tv.

"Why does everything have to be so shitty at the moment?" Georgia said, as she lay on her bed, "this virus is horrible, and the weather is shocking, and you're being weirder than usual!" Georgia is very honest with me, and so it didn't shock me when she said this, however, I am shocked that she noticed.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"You're a little tense, Ett."
"How so?"
"I don't know, but somethings off." She said this so plainly, that it didn't even have any surprise. She just said it.
"You're crazy," I said, trying to move the conversation on, "I'm fine."
"You aren't, but I won't push." I ignored the last comment, and retreated to my phone, annoyed that Georgia knew something I tried too hard to hide.

The next day, we had some final tests before we were to head back to our clubs teams. These tests were supposed to find out our percentage of fat to muscle, and tell us the exact amount of food we should be eating to help our energy and so on.

Due to Keira and I having 'W' as the first letter of our surname, we normally are last for these tests. As we sat outside the room together, Leah was on the other side of Keira, as her last name is Williamson.

"Well," Keira said, as there was an awkward tension in the air, "how has camp been for you guys?" I stared at Keira and gave her a look, confused why she asked such a stupid question.
"Kie," Leah said, laughing, "camp has been fine."
"Absolutely fine," I said back, looking away.

"Juliette Walsh," the doctor called out, and I stood up and walked into the room. I heard Keira's name being called from the other doctor as I walked into my own room.

"Okay," the doctor said to me, "I'm Dr Greene, and I'll be taking your tests. This is just a nutritional assessment to help you manage your lifestyle, obviously being a professional athlete." I nodded my head, but I was nervous.

"Ok," Dr Greene said, "step on the scale for me." I went over to where she pointed, and took my shoes off. I stood on it, and she took my weight. I looked down, and it read as 56kg. "Ok," Dr Green then said, "step off please, and let's take your height." I walked over to where she said, and she measured me. "Ok, you're 5 feet and 8 inches."

She then gestured to me to sit back in the seat, and so I did.
"Juliette," she said, seriously, "you're slightly underweight for your height and your profession. What is your eating like?"
"Um" I started to say, "I do eat." I said this defensively, not liking what she was going to say.
"Yeah, of course, I'm not saying you don't."
"I've always been this size," I justified, "I am quite a petite person, by nature, and I've had to work really hard to build muscle and strength, but my current program is working."
"I am sure it is. However, I'd like to give you a schedule I think would really help with energy management." I nodded my head, not wanting to get angry with the new doctor I had only just met.

Dr Greene then ran a few more tests, obviously wanting me to speak to her and tell her my history, but I didn't want to, and she didn't need it.

As I walked out, Keira was sitting back down, obviously having already had her tests done.
"You took a while," she said to me, "was it okay?" I nodded my head.
"Yeah, I guess."
"What did your doctor say?"
"Well, Dr Greene asked me,'' What is my eating like?" And this was right after she called me underweight, so all in all, a pretty successful trip to the doctor." My tone wasn't good. I was slightly mocking and being rude to the doctor, who I know was only trying to help.
"Ettie," Keira said, knowing I was pissed.
"It just frustrates me," I said, walking outside the door and sitting in the fresh air, "Kie, I tried so hard, so unbelievably hard to get to this point, and then I have people coming, people who don't even know me, trying to tell me how to manage my body. They don't know anything about my body. They don't know what it has been through. They don't know the shitty things that happened. Telling me that, just because I don't fit into a certain weight category, I am underweight doesn't help anything. Nothing at all." I put my head into my hands, and leant forward. Keira sat down beside me, and put her arms around me.
"Ettie, you have to do what's right for your body. All they can speak of is from data, but data is objective. So, you need to manage your body the way you know how." I nodded my head.
"I just don't want to fall down the trap again."
"And I'm so proud of you that you can recognise that." We sat there together, for a while, until the door opened and Leah came out.

"Are you alright?" Leah asked me, as she saw Keira and I being emotional.
"Yeah, fine." I said this coldly, still hurt from what happened. I'm not sure if I ever won't be hurt.
"The doctor Ettie had just didn't know about her history," Keira said. I didn't want Leah to know any of this, but Keira wouldn't have known that. Keira still believes that Leah and I are as close as we were when I first moved to London. She doesn't know anything. No one does.
"But, it's all okay," I said, standing up, "everything is fine." I walked away and headed back to my hotel room, to finish packing up my bags, in time for Millie, Fran and I to head back to London the following day.

Note:
- I hope you guys are liking the book so far, I know that I'm really enjoying writing about ettie.
- I kinda feel like I'm a mix of ettie and Indi n they r both drawn from my personal experiences <3