It's Our Secret

Chapter 48 - Defensive

"You're all fit and ready for tomorrow?" Emma asked me, as I sat in her office after we had finished training. We were back from international break, and we were set to play Everton. It was going to be a home game at Kingsmeadow which is always nice.

"Yeah, I'm all good."

"I want us to communicate, yeah?" Emma started to say, "I want you to tell me if something is going on or if you don't feel 100%. We don't want to risk anything, okay?" I nodded my head in response. I was always scared to tell my coaches when something was wrong. I was scared to depend on them, scared to ask them for help. In the past I was made to believe that I wasn't a person and only a player. That all I was worth was what I gave on the pitch. Being with Emma and being at Chelsea, has made me realise differently. I am worth more than who I am when I play football. My health matters. My heart matters. My brain matters.

We were playing Everton on Saturday, and then on Sunday, Arsenal were to take on City at the Emirates. The City players came down to London a day early, and that meant Keira was able to come see me play. I always love when Keira is in the stands, even if that means we are on different teams.

Keira and Lucy came to my apartment a few hours before my game started.

"Hey," Keira shouted, as she walked into my apartment.

"You really don't knock?" Lucy said to her, shockingly.

"I'm her twin, I have a key," Keira retorted.

"I'm in the kitchen," I shouted back.

"We brought you a coffee," Keira said, handing me the cup.

"Oh my god, life saver," I said to her, taking a sip.

"How are the City girls?" I asked, sitting down on the couch. Keira and Lucy were already sitting down while I finished getting ready. I was braiding my hair on the couch while they talked to me. I normally have my hair braided when I play. I like to have two small braids running into a ponytail. It allows me to ensure that no hair will fall down my face while I play.

"They're good," Keira replied, "pretty sure some of them are coming to the game. They just want to suss out the competition." I laughed at this, smiling at the thought of some of my ex teammates in the stands.

"Who's coming?" I asked.

"Well, obviously me and Luce," Keira stated, "then, Georgia, Janine and Hayley."

"Hayley?" I repeated.

"Yeah, she's quite good friends with Janine and she wanted to see you play, I guess." I bit my lip slightly, not knowing whether I want to tell Keira (and Lucy) about what happened with Leah after the game against Norway.

"Guys, I'm in a little bit of a mess," I said to them.

"What happened?" They both ask simultaneously.

"Well, I had a thing with Leah but then broke it off cause I thought she wanted to keep it a secret, then I saw her hugging Jordan, got pretty angry, then I was rash and went to fucking Australia, got with Hayley, then came back to England, without really knowing what was happening with Hayley, then I see Leah again and she explains a lot of shit, then we get together, and now I am sorta leading on two people who I love dearly." After I finish my long rant, I take a deep breath. I looked up at Keira and Lucy who were staring at me.

"Darling," Lucy said, "you're going to need to slow down and say that all again."

I talked slower this time, and explained to both of them everything that had happened since the Euros. I told them about Jordan finding out about Leah and me, and then why I so rashly ended things with Leah. I then mentioned seeing Jordan and Leah hugging and why that led me on a 24 hour plane trip to Australia. I told them about Hayley and me, and how we spent three weeks together and ended up rekindling something we both never thought we would. I had to conclude this all with what most recently had happened. The Norway game. Leah and I sitting in the locker room and talking it out, only for it to end up with us kissing and me telling her that I wanted to keep it all on the down low.