It's Our Secret

Chapter 62 - Leah and Hayley

Death is an interesting experience. Both Hayley Raso and Leah Williamson approached this grief differently. When Juliette died, both Hayley and Leah knew that they were the person the other was fighting against for Juliette's metaphorical heart. But in the end, Juliette's physical heart was both their downfalls.

Leah's POV

When I went into the hospital room, I knew I needed to be strong. If not for myself, then definitely for Keira. I knew I had lost someone special. I had lost the girl I had been loving since I was sixteen. But Keira, Keira lost her twin. Her person. Her soulmate. Her grief would outweigh anything that I was feeling, and I knew that.

When Keira left the hospital room to go out to the waiting room, to talk to the team, I stayed with Ettie. I knew that this would be my last chance to say everything I needed to. I held her hand, and placed my head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I said to her, "for everything. I'm sorry for not listening to you, and not being the person you needed. Ettie, please wake up. Please. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts." All I heard as I said this were the beeping machines. "I thought I'd spend forever with you. I had it all planned. You were going to travel the world for a year while I was in England. Then you'd come back, and start coaching somewhere, and we'd be living in my apartment together. After a few years, I'd propose. I'd get down on one knee, and tell you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. We were going to get married, maybe adopt a few kids, and then I'd play for a few more years, then retire. We'd settle down in London or Manchester, and maybe start a coaching clinic together. I had it all planned out, Ett."

I heard the door open, and Keira had returned with Hayley. Tears flowed down her face as she came and sat on the other side of the bed.

"It's my fault," Hayley said quietly.

"No," I answered, "it's not."

"Yeah, it is. She told me her heart wasn't good. She told me that it was painful, and I didn't say anything. She asked for me to keep it quiet, and I did, and now..." Hayley's voice trailed off. I looked at her, surprised how she knew. Hayley was the first person Ettie told about her condition, so maybe it wasn't as surprising as I first thought.

"Hayley, it's not your fault. Ettie was a grown person, she made her own decisions. You can't blame yourself for that," Keira replied, still standing in the doorway.

"I just can't believe this happened," Hayley said, resting her head on Ettie's chest, "she's gone." I grabbed Hayley's hand, and made her look at me

"She's not gone," I said, "she lives on with us." Hayley gave me a small smile, and for the first time in a while, I knew I said the right thing.

When Ettie was taken off life support, Keira asked for no one else to be there. She wanted to say goodbye to her twin in private, which I understood. But as it was happening, I got a message from Indi.

Indi: please tell me its not true. Please tell me ettie is ok

Leah: im sorry, inds, she's gone.

Indi: omg, im coming.

When Indi arrived, she talked with Keira for a while. They were comforting each other, and while that happened, I sat with Jill, Kristie and Sam.

"I can't believe it," Sam said, grieving. Despite having just won the World Cup, she wasn't partying, instead at the hospital.

"How are you?" Jill asked me.

"Surviving," I replied.

"No," Sam said, "make sure you live. Live for her, don't just survive." I knew she was right. I couldn't be a zombie walking through life with grief, I needed to be strong.